#abc you could go so big here

[buck-up-buck]

Buddie Begins Episode

OKAY. If you have seen my Bingo Card for S8 (here), then you will have seen my proposed Buddie Begins episode.

I am here, to explain myself, and go into more depth regarding my ✨vision✨

If anyone here is in the Grey's Fandom, you will be more than aware of the Japril Movie storyline they did (which, 11/10 I love so much), so I am envisioning the same kinda vibe.

I did discuss this with my love @thetangycheesemanwithaplan last season, but obviously it was short and they crammed in a lot, so this season, I expect, more.

NOW, don't get me wrong, I am a hardcore BuckTommy shipper. Kinkley, BuckTommy, every thing, I am here for it. I do not want Tommy to go anywhere... but... I wouldn't be opposed to Buddie happening.

It's been a while since I have had a ship to sink my teeth into and Buddie will forever hold such a special place in my heart. I do not want BuckTommy to break up, but, I also would love Buddie to happen.

So basically, I am gonna be heartbroken/happy either way.

NOW, onto my Buddie Begins episode.

I want, a realisation, and then, FLASHBACKS. I am talking, from season 2 onwards flashbacks- with Buck's perspective of Shannon, and Eddie during Buck's bombing recovery, the two during the lawsuit era, Buck helping Eddie after the snipper, Eddie and Chris during Buck's coma, just, so many flashbacks.

I want to see outside perspective POV's of their friendship, I want present snippets of whoever has their realisation talking to Hen/Bobby about it.

I want a Buddie story. I want the writers to recognise what they have built over these past few years and make something out of it. Picture your favourite Buddie edit on TikTok, but as a full 45 minute episode. I want the producers to give us a movie poster like Grey's did, make a spectacle out of Buddie coming to life.

Some may say this is a copy of Grey's, but this is done in so many shows. So many shows have flashback episodes showing people's relationships and how they got to where they are. (special mention to the flashback episode in Castle of them reflecting on their relationship when Kate is legit about to die).

You want Buddie to be big, this could make it big. ABC have the potential to take one of the best slowburn relationships created in a TV show and actually give it to the audience, and I feel like if they do it, they need to do it properly.

I have not been pining over Buddie for all these years for the writers to not make it the biggest thing.

Think about it. Cause I am. A lot. All the time. More than I should. I am writing this while in work, because this is on my mind and I think it should be on your mind too.

[gay-dorito-dust]

How’d they react to you calling them bro or dude whilst in a pre-established relationship…(platonic/romantic)

Dick: he’s insulted.

Gutted.

He will try to give you the silent treatment for such a shameful thing but ultimately fails as he ends up being the one pawing at you for attention.

‘Do you still like me? Or did you just run out of cute nicknames to call me?’ He’d say one night as your both cuddling in bed together. ‘If it’s the later then I can help you find something, just please spare me and don’t call me dude or bro anymore.’

He’d rather you call him Richard-wait, no he hates that even more because to him you’re not meant to use his fully name, only cutesy nicknames that’d make a grown man sick to his stomach. Nothing else would suffice other than Dickie bird, handsome, babe, hunk, honeybun or anything that wasn’t his name.

He’s go mad or would act delusional and say that everything was fine when everyone could tell that it wasn’t. People who know him have personally came to you and begged you to stop calling him dude/bro because he kept talking their ears off about how his beloved partner is torturing him, which ends up torturing them even more upon hearing about his relationship issues.

Dick would even consult Hayley on what he did wrong, only for Hayley to look at him with those big, big eyes of hers. This was not her level of expertise unfortunately. (Head empty, no thoughts. She can’t do her abc’s guys it’s a real tragedy.)

Jason: ‘I just had my tongue down your throat just now and you had to go and ruin the mood by calling me bro. What the fuck.’ - Jason at some point.

It’s a whole mood killer for him to be honest.

He’s calling you things like chipmunk or sweetheart but here you were calling him dude and bro. He knows for a fact that he’s well and truly out of the friend zone because the shit you’ve done together isn’t platonic in any sort of way.

Thinks Roy had set you up to call him dude or bro behind his back. (He hasn’t)

Jason is petty and will get his own back by referring you as ‘just a really good friend’, ‘buddy o’ mine’ or even worse than both of those; ‘chum.’ 💀

When you go low, Jason was more then willing to go to the depths of fucking hell to the point it had become a game to see who’d call out just how stupid this all was, and at the both of you for ever thinking that this was an excellent idea in the first place.

You’ll probs get punished…I’m just going to leave it there and let your minds guess what that ‘punishment’ was exactly.

Damian:

As much as Damian hates it when you call him Dami, he hates it when you call him dude or bro even more, if that’s even possible.

Damian hates it when you call him dude or bro. He’s not your dude or bro, he’s your partner and he expects no less then darling, my heart or my beloved.

So you calling him dude or bro is more than enough reason for him to give you the silent treatment.

‘Until you learn that I am your partner, I won’t want to be anywhere near you if you’re going to keep calling me your bro or dude. It is a disservice to who I actually am to you.’ He says with a huff and beckons Titus to follow, only for the Great Dane to be left confused as to why his human parents were at a disagreement over something silly.

Also Titus, Ace, Jerry, Alfred the cat, Goliath and BatCow are children of divorce because I said so.

So it’s bests that you apologise while you still can because Damian can hold a grudge unlike any other. Even if you didn’t, you’d still crack first before Damian and quickly put an end to calling him dude/bro.

He just thinks being called a dude/bro when in a pre-established relationship is an insult.

He can take a joke but not when it’s aimed at his relationship. He’s well and truly devoted to his relationship -if we’re to completely ignore the whole being Robin thing- that it might as well be an insult towards him too at this point.

[kyoteugly]

Disclaimer: This may be a bit chaotic (also sorry for my English), I never done this type of post before and I assume you know the show so I don’t go into details of every event - you saw them, you know what they’re about. And it all comes down to Buddie going canon. Here we go, enjoy! (warning 3,6k words)

If we take a look at 911 from a distance some things fall in an interesting pattern. I believe at least part of it is intentional. And if this theory is correct - standing ovations for the creators are in order, because they kept the continuity of the previous seasons while simultaneously re-launching the series. We have introductions of the main characters, we revisit big moments from their lives (sometimes in a more flashy way, sometimes more subtle), and we get a new perspective from them (those big moments) to show the character’s growth.

Ok, what’s the theory?

You should watch seasons 7 and 8 as seasons 1 and 2 on abc.

But Tim isn’t simply retelling the story. He takes the core emotion from a big event and puts it into new scenery with inclusion of how the character had changed over the seasons 1-6. 

Before I jump into Buck and Eddie, let's look at a few examples. 

ATHENA:

Introduction of Athena in season 1 goes with her marriage problems. The same in season 7 (it’s one-sided, because it’s her story, not Bobby’s).

May suicide attempt -> in season 7 there is this unnerving vibe around Bobby’s retiring actions, especially when Athena is talking with him (at least I felt this suicidal vibe and we all thought for a moment Bobby is responsible for their house burning down).

The reason why Athena became a cop, the tragic story of her fiance -> bringing back Jenkins in season 8. This plot could work without him, there could be just some no-name prisoner and Athena could simply get the order to escort him without any deep explanation - but the main core of this plot was to revisit Athena’s past.

She was attacked/in mortal danger on the job -> the whole plane disaster in season 8 (and I’ll get back to that because this is the key moment in Bathena story, this is their core).

BOBBY:

His alcoholism is haunting him and it leads to his house burning down while he’s trying to save his wife (and all of this is the result of his actions). His arc in season 7 covers his past.

And also his relationship with the 118 get’s the familiar spotlight - him being a father figure for the team. Everyone comes to him for advice while he’s forced to be away from his firehouse - and during those conversations he’s in the middle of planning his future with Athena (previously their wedding, now it’s about their new home).

As for them as a couple it’s the plot lines of Athena being attacked and her landing the plane. She is in danger, doing her job, he is the one watching/listening. But while in the past he was powerless, merely an audience to her fight, now he is her partner, he’s in danger with her and it’s his choice (with the cruise ship they both were thrown into the danger, this wasn’t the parallel to the past). And yes, this is their characteristic, but when you’re new to the show, you started watching it with season 7, you may not know this about them… so here, Tim is showing you what Bathena is about, ride or die partners with unwavering faith in each other.

Again, the core element of the big moment and the emotional growth/journey of the characters (introduction while keeping the continuity - revisiting the events, not retelling them).

HEN:

She has a very big plot line that includes a few big events from her life.

The plot with Ortiz’s son reminds me of the girl Hen hit with an ambulance. Back then Hen was a mess, doubtful about herself, and people around her reminded her that she did everything right. Now she doesn’t doubt, she’s sure, even when there is not enough conviction from her team. 

Following this plot we have the whole thing with Ortiz and Mara - which basically is covering the same core aspect we saw with Eva and Denny.

For Hen, family is the most important, actually for her and Karen - and this part also shows their journey as the power couple - because now they’re fighting together for their child (against Ortiz) and not with each other (like it was when Eva was threatening their family). They’re much stronger now, after all those years, family love guiding them through life.

CHIM & MADDIE:

They both have their respective episodes in season 7.

Chimney: Why put Doug there? Why Kevin and karaoke bar (the backstory of how Chim became a firefighter) if not for the introduction of the character, for revisiting his big moments…? 

Maddie and the call with the abducted woman -> we learn later it was her stalker not her husband, but Maddie assumes it’s the husband because of her own trauma. And in the same episode her postpartum depression is also addressed -> the abducted woman is separated from her baby - it’s symbolic but it’s there (like I said, not everything is flashy).

As for Madney - it’s all in the way they’re looking for each other when their mental state is in question (past - Maddie in Boston, present - Chim being sick). Their emotional journey lies in the way of how sure of their love they are. Again, in the past they were taking things slow, finding each other but giving each other space and time, careful “i love you” etc - Now they speed things up by getting married right away, right there in the hospital - because they’re sure.

There are more core things (and revisits) to all characters but I won’t go deeper into this because I want to talk about Buddie (with more details)... so…

All 3 power couples got introduced and redefined anew for the new audience, but the core of what makes them Bathena, Henren, and Madney remained the same - just bigger, bolder, stronger… What remains, in the spectrum of main relationships, waiting to receive the same treatment, is Buddie.

EDDIE:

Through season 7 and 8 so far we got to see main aspects of Eddie - soldier, father, widower, best friend (yes, there are elements of them being more, of some deeper feelings, especially from Eddie’s side - this is the part of the continuity from previous seasons… but because seasons 7 and 8 are new seasons 1 and 2, Buddie is leaning a little more to the “best friends” side - for now… it just started to change with episode 8x05).

We learn about Eddie’s character - he’s caring but also sassy, he works great under pressure, he’s not superstitious, he panics when relationships get too serious (not full blown panic attacks this time, but catholic guilt plays the same role here).

The big moment from Eddie’s past is Shannon’s death. The show can’t tell this story again, can’t kill Shannon again, but they can show the new audience the impact Shannon had (and still has) on Eddie’s life -> and here we have the whole “Kim plot”. 

One more thing worth mentioning about Eddie and parallels is that he left Chris and his wife in the past -> now Chris is the one who left him, and the only relationship his son has to offer to Eddie is a glitching facetime video in a moment of the day when he’s busy (Chris) - sounds familiar.

Yes, there are more big moments in previous seasons, but each of them is intertwined with Buck, ergo can’t be discussed without him. So let’s jump into Buck now.

BUCK:

Just like with Eddie we get the reminder of main characteristic of Buck in form of: infodumping, ingenuity, thinking outside the box, being good/capable on a job, abandonment issues (Eddie spending time with Tommy), craving for approval/affirmation (he hates Gerrard and still seeks that pat on the back and “good boy” comment), his spiraling and believe in supernatural, and he’s like a kid in 118 family.

I feel like we got all of his aspects (and the same with Eddie’s) that we know from previous seasons in an easy to swallow pill, coated with a bit of comedy.

Big moments in Buck’s life include Eddie, but there are few relationships that are very important to this character that are highlighted in seasons 7 and 8). 

Christopher. For now we don’t really see the depth of Buck’s and Chris' relationship. New audience can safely say he is somewhat of a “fun uncle” for Chris (right now Chris is his best friend’s son) - this is because we still haven’t seen the equivalent of what created the bond between them - the tsunami (I believe we will get that when Chris comes back from Texas or his return will include scenes related to their bond and this big event from their lives).

Maddie. This one is simple for now, they’re great siblings, they support each other, the upcoming scene with Maddie should add more.

Best friend Eddie - partners on a job and in crime, knowing each other so well they can read every small signals (it’s mostly visible in 7x01 and 8x01), showing up for each other etc - you all know what I mean - Eddie jumping into idea of bachelor party, Buck confronting Eddie about Kim, Buck’s coming out, Eddie asking for help with Chris (twice) - all of that have (mostly) subtle Buddie themed moments (smiles, looks, wording) but what screams loudly is that they’re best friends (like you’ve never seen better friends than them). Like I said before it started to change in 8x05, and even earlier we see a little bit more of Eddie, like he’s kind of in the background - just remember this, I’ll explain in more details later.

Bobby. This relationship is highlighted the most, and after the first 3 episodes of season 8 nobody has any doubt that Bobby is like a father to Buck (in case somebody missed it in 7x10). In previous seasons we saw how this father-son thing evolved between them (whole season 1, lawsuit, Buck spiraling because of radiation Bobby “absorbed”, coma dream, etc), and now we get the speed run through it to establish how it works.

There is one more very important relationship in Buck’s life that also counts as Buck’s big moment. And it’s Abby, who is represented by Tommy. Older, more experienced love interest, who shows Buck he still has something to learn about relationships, who changes his perspective. It goes further. Remember the guy who was catfishing girls with Buck’s photos? Remember when he was in a meeting with Abby and a girl came up to them? Abby didn’t like what she heard and left Buck cold in that cafe/restaurant. Sounds familiar? Yeah, it should. His first date with Tommy, interrupted by someone, where Tommy didn’t like Buck’s behavior and left him on a curb. What’s important, none of them (not Tommy nor Abby) told him it was over, they were disappointed, of course, but left with the vibe “contact me when you grow up”/”I don’t do dramas”. Again, this is parallel, the revisit to the past event (core of the scenes remains) but the point here is not to tell the same story again but show something new, so Buck’s relationship with Tommy goes in its own way.

I would like to address the lightning strike here, because I believe this event won’t get “the revisit” treatment. It was mentioned in background in season 7 - the locker room scene with Eddie and how Buck tells Tommy the night they met was the best one he had since he died (or something like that). So the lightning strike exists already in season 7 and 8 narrative for the new audience.

Ok. In previous seasons we saw all main couples dating and getting married - basically becoming what they are now. And we saw how Buck’s and Eddie’s relationship grew and evolved throughout the seasons - but they never reached the status of a couple.

So we are now at 8x05, we have all main characters introduced, all power couples redefined by some huge events that made them stronger. We have Buck and Eddie - best friends for life - now is the time to show Buddie of it all.

BUDDIE:

Believe it or not, episode 5 is about Buddie in so many ways, but not in a way you think it is… It’s about retelling their emotional journey, their bonding path and what makes their relationship so special. Yes, I’m using “retelling” here, because the story of their feelings never reached the conclusion, it was always between the lines, and now it can be told anew. Tim already had the perfect recipe for them, so now he is using the core ingredients, to once more reach the point where making them a couple will feel natural. It’s not only about making them canon, it’s about telling beautiful love story - patience is important, their emotional state is the key and has to be set up just right. 

Ok. Masks. This title is a red herring in itself. If we talk about who is wearing a mask the answer is simple - everybody, it’s a Halloween episode. Going deeper we can say - it’s Eddie with his ‘fine’ mask. Let’s go even deeper, it’s not a noun “masks” (in plural), it’s a verb. The whole episode is masking itself, and it’s masking who the story is about. We have two major plot lines here, Buck’s (a comedy) and Henren (drama), both very loud and over the top, making the audience look in one way when in the background another story is unfolding. Red herrings everywhere.

What are the big moments from Buck’s and Eddie’s life that are hidden in this episode? When did Buddie truly start? Firetruck, tsunami, lawsuit, fight club, divorce era… yes, it’s all there… well, tsunami is only mentioned there because it’s Buck and Chis arc, but the important moment for Buddie after the tsunami is still represented in this episode by Karen’s words “You saved him”. Let’s break it down.

BUCK:

Firetruck: the event itself is represented in Denny’s accident. He’s pinned by the vehicle, Karen is holding his hand while others are trying to save him, there is and audience to his tragedy, a lot of people (in this case firefighters) are working together (building the construction) to get him out, the accident was caused by a man who was driven by vengeance/seeking justice, in the end Denny has his leg in cast - the same leg Buck had.

Lawsuit: The whole Buck’s curse plot - injury on a job (to his limb), aftermath of which he ends up with a medical condition (boils = blood thinners), which causes him to focus solely on himself. Buck is so self absorbed in this episode he doesn’t notice his own boyfriend, let alone his best friend (if you want me to write a longer post about Buddie in corelation to Buck and Tommy and why imo Buck is a lame boyfriend in this episode let me know - I won’t do that in this post).

The things above are like playing with the form of what I mentioned before - revisiting previous events. What’s important here is the emotional state of Buck. He learns very quickly he can come back to his job (Eddie is asking about it, because he knows how important it is for Buck) but the boils ultimately send him on a spiral and right back to the self absorbed state of mind - and the reason for it is to make him blind on what’s going on with Eddie.

EDDIE:

Fight club and divorce era are played out here only in Eddie’s emotional state because the show is putting Eddie in the background on purpose so we can’t have big moments played out in a form of parallel scenes. 

But just like with the fight club, Eddie is distancing himself from the firefam. I said already that Eddie is kinda in the background - this is the part where we can see Eddie isolated and alone, in this episode it screams the loudest (compared to the previous ones). 

The haunted house - Hen is terrifying, Chim is scary, even Buck, whose job was to give out candy, managed to freak everybody out (including himself) - only Eddie is this lame and cringe werewolf wannabe. This is a metaphorical, subtle way to show he stands out from the rest of the team. He’s with them but he is alone in the crowd. They have to ask him about Chris, he’s not talking about him himself and he’s keeping his ‘i’m fine’ mask on (pun intended). In fight club era Eddie is grieving after Shannon, now he’s grieving his relationship with Chris. He’s hiding his pain just like he was hiding his bruises.

Divorce era can be seen in a way Eddie interacts with Buck. He’s losing his patience sooner than usual, is meaner in his comments because he’s running on fumes, getting closer to his breaking point (it could escalate, we know he can snap when he can’t deal with his emotions). He doesn’t look at Buck - and I know, it’s because of the things on Buck’s face, hiding behind the magazine, sucking on lollipop… but honestly, do we actually believe that? Or the comedy of those scenes masked that they’re disconnected right now (actually they’re disconnected since Gerrard made them work separately. How they miss each other's eyes in the courtroom - it started there). The episode ends so blatantly showing us Buck talking bullshit with his head so far up his behind he doesn’t think for a second that Eddie needs him. And Eddie, well, he’s fighting alone, just like he was when he stepped into the ring.

WHAT’S NEXT:

If I’m right about all this, and not just insane, we will see 4 more big events - or rather the emotional state those events invoked. 

Kitchen scene - Buck being sorry for not being there for Eddie, when he needed him (the tension aspect of the scene would be nice, but the actual core of this scene is Buck admitting he failed Eddie and Eddie actually listening and accepting Buck’s words).

Well - Eddie has to save himself, deal with something on his own (with only briefly mentioning Buck, mostly Chris).

Will - this has to be addressed at some point. We know about the will but people who started watching from season 7 don’t. This will be clear, no red herrings, no telling story in the background.

Shooting arc - Buck being scared he may lose Eddie. It doesn’t have to be a near death experience, it can be Eddie deciding he’ll move to Texas - the core is fear of losing his… right, what? Best friend? When we reach this point they’ll be more, and “best friends” term won’t be enough, not even to the general audience. 

After that we can start talking about Buddie canon.

Of course there will be more scenes, new scenes, the characters are still growing but in my opinion Tim is trying to set up and show similar emotional journey for them, right up to the point when we should have had Buddie… and he will pick up where he left them, messed up and vulnerable and so in love with each other it’s overwhelming (shooting arc)… then we will go in a straight line to the Buddie canon.

I don’t want to make predictions, I’m bad at it. I prefer to analyze. But in my opinion and what I know about the next episode, I think the well call will serve as a reminder about Eddie Begins, the actual connection between past and present will be in the mustache scene (or right before the mustache scene). 

Final thoughts.

We all see the parallels between different characters and between previous seasons and new ones. We get frustrated about some plot lines and episodes (Bobby episode, Kim plot line)... But if you take a few steps back and look at season 7 as season 1 it makes sense to show these threads again. If you look at all the elements we talk about as a fandom you will see it’s one huge project, not just hints placed here and there. And it’s not just for the benefit of long term fans, it’s for the new audience to get to know these characters, to fall in love with them, to make them curious enough to watch previous seasons.

We all feel it, this carefree vibe from season 1, we’re all falling in love again, saying season 8 has what’s the best in 911, has it all. And I believe it’s because of what I wrote above, these new introductions of characters and relationships. 

One relationship remains to be shown in all its beautiful and unhinged glory - Buddie.

And I believe once we get the equivalent of a shooting arc we will get Buddie canon - this time Tim will tell their story how he wanted - with Buck and Eddie together, as a couple, as soulmates.

Wow, this was long. Sorry for the chaos, I never done this type of post before, but I hope you got the gist of it and enjoyed it. Remember, it’s only my opinion, I could be wrong (honestly, I probably am xP) but I wanted to share my thoughts because I got very hyped up about it. Feel free to contact me if you want.

Tagging some people who may be interested (if you want me to remove you from this post let me know): @buddiebeginz @stagefoureddiediaz @lemotmo @inell @jackwhiteprophetic @lover-of-mine @loveyourownsmiilee

Part 2, episode Confessions - HERE

[sukunastoy]

NSFW ABCs (A-M) (Heian Era Ryoumen Sukuna)

An anon asked for this, and I'm not certain WHICH Sukuna they're hoping for, but I'll start with Heian Era True Form Sukuna! <3

CW/TW: Its true form Sukuna, thats the warning. Masterlist (N-Z Here!)

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex) Bold of you to assume that Sukuna is going to stick around after he's done making you go dumb from his dick(s). But if he did stick around, he's pushing you away from him (out of his bed, off of his throne), so he can have the space to himself. You can sleep on the floor where pets belong. No cuddles, no pillow talk, (maybe some degrading praise.) You're lucky if he even offers a rag to clean yourself up with. Cause lets be honest, he's going to make a mess out of you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's) Definitely for him, its his chest. His big pecs (beefy man tiddies) are definitely something he's proud of. He either isn't wearing a top, or has it opened/rolled down. For his fuck toy, he loves your neck. Loves kissing it, biting it, licking it, squeezing it. Loves to mark your skin with his teeth, so you know who you belong to. And he enjoys leaving bruises where he's gripped so harshly.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) For one, prepare for the most cum you've ever had or will ever have in your life from this guy. If you're giving him oral, you will be required to take every last drop, can't let any of the King's seed be wasted. Swallow it up like a good pet. He loves to stuff you full of his cum in other places too, and he'll hold your legs and hips up in a way that nothing can spill out of you. (Consider it a form of the King's blessings. Don't waste it.) He's not going to cum onto your body, because he wants to be inside of you when he reaches his climax and wants to see your face when he fills your insides with his unforgiving amount.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) This man is pretty openly dirty, I mean, he's the King of Curses, who is going to say anything about one of his kinks? But, a secret in general, he really enjoys back/shoulder massages, doesn't even have to get sexual, it just feels amazing to him to work the knots out of his large muscles. Since he's so large anyway, you could walk on his back or even use your knees to massage in certain areas if your hands aren't strong enough. It's the only time you notice he's truly relaxed and not terrifying.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?) Forget everything you thought you knew about sex, because he's about to show you what you've been missing out on. Through taking advantage of villagers, receiving sacrifices/offerings in the form of humans for his pleasure, bringing maids/servants into his chambers because he's simply bored... he's had quite a lot of practice to perfect his skill. Though he generally takes care of his own pleasures, he's keen to what others enjoy, even if they deny it. And if you aren't even aware of something you might like, he'll gladly introduce it to you and get you addicted to it. (Loves to see your eyes roll to the back of your head when he's found the thing that makes you lose all control of yourself.)

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) He will keep you pinned in the mating press, so he can fill you as much as possible, and to hit every sweet and sensitive part of your insides without mercy. Watching you hopelessly struggle beneath him as he's taking you in a very primal way, it really gets him off. (Plus his tummy mouth is in a wonderful position to provide extra unbearable pleasure.)

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) He's definitely serious in the moment. When the king is ready to fuck you, you better be prepared. He won't be in the mood for playing around or being silly.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) Since it's the heian era, there aren't exactly many reasons to stay well groomed, nor is it probably practiced at all. You're going to get an au natural bush that definitely matches the drapes. Don't worry, his dick(s) are so large, they're not going to get lost in it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) He's not romantic. You're there simply to be used by him. He enjoys watching you struggle and cry from how rough he is. You could be asleep, in the middle of a task or even eating, and he's going to take what he wants, when he wants it. The only reason he offers the slightest prep and foreplay is so he can push inside of you easier.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) Sukuna isn't the type to jack off. That's what his fuck toys are for. If he's feeling particularly lazy, you'll use your body as a fleshlight and bounce on him while he lounges back. He's either enjoying a fine drink or smoking his kiseru while watching you work.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) He's definitely into BDSM. In fact, the more terror you appear to be in, the hornier this man gets. He's going to hurt you, no doubt about it. You're going to get bit, choked, tied up and even whipped because he loves to hear you cry out in pain. Don't worry, even if he gets out of control and nearly takes your life, he can heal you right up so he can continue to enjoy himself with your body.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) In his throne, or on his bed. When Sukuna wants everyone to see how he treats his toy, he's going to be forcing you to ride his dick(s) while he's lounging in his throne. He might even hold conversation with some of his servants or village subordinates, but you're going to be falling apart as he uses his arms to keep moving you. When he wants you all for himself, he'll take you to his room and own your body again and again on his bed. A perfect place to tie you up if he wants. It's also easier for when he wants to go to sleep after, he's already in bed. All he has to do is push you out of it when he's finished with you.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) Anything can get this man going. If you've angered him or appear scared by him, he's going to take advantage of you in a sinister way. If you accidentally bend over in his presence, he's going to keep you bent over while he proceeds to fuck your brains out. When he goes to lay waste to villages, you're his prize when he returns. A personal little gift to himself after ending innocent lives.

|| Hope you enjoyed! Comments and reblogs are much appreciated! ||

[mayearies]

✩ ABC’S

sfw alphabet with miles g. genre: fluffy hcs

—‘A’ IS FOR AFFECTION (how affectionate are they?) pretty affectionate with his s/o even if he can be awkward sometimes, takes some time getting close to someone again. if you’re in public, he would mainly hold your hand. maybe sneak in a hug or kiss once in a while if he’s feelin’ handsy. when recieving affection, he’s always open towards it. even if it makes him a little embarassed at moments (mainly in public).

—‘B’ IS FOR BESTFRIEND (what are they like as a bestie?) once he get comfy with you, he the type to play with you but also have serious talks to. he would like to stay close to you and hang out with you a lot. he’s also really good at rps (rock paper scissors) and shadow boxing, you gettin’ bodied fo sho ‼️

—‘C’ IS FOR CUDDLES (what is their cuddling schedule?) he likes contact with you, preferably skin to skin so expect his hands up your back or your stomach. he can be both a big spoon or a little spoon, he just wants to hold you (he will be a little spoon most times which you will tease him about). one cuddle sesh a day is required for him to function.

“baby? where’s my hugs n’ kisses? you aint mad at me, right?”

—‘D’ IS FOR DOMESTIC (settling down? how will they be helping out around?) he would wait to get a fiancée, let alone a wife. but of course he would want to settle down with you. he loves you. a pretty decent home cook, nothing special. he would watch his ma make pasteles so it’s one of the dishes he can perfect. he tolerates cleaning. doesnt like it but doesn’t fully hate it.

—‘E’ IS FOR ENDING (how does breaking up go?) would absolutely try to avoid arguments all he can. depends on the reason why you two are splitting, but he will spill his feelings about the relationship out to you. in his head. he doesn’t enjoy speaking his thoughts very much and just feels it’ll escalate shit. though, he would wish you well.

—‘F’ IS FOR FIANCÉE (how committed are they to you?) puts his commitment to you over anything else. though he claims he is not in a rush to marry you and that it could wait, but at the same time he be talkin’ about baby names and what a dream it would be to marry someone like you.

—‘G’ IS FOR GENTLE (how gentle are they?) he’s gentle on most occasions. his rbf and cold aura can be misleading. the craves your touch and your kisses. however, he can be a little on the rough side. for example, his mental state. it isn’t the best with his dad being dead and being the prowler, but you make it more bearable with just your presence. he can also be on the rougher side by squeezing places he knows only belong to him (neck, thighs, waist, etc.)

—‘H’ IS FOR HUGS (how does their hugging schedule work?) he dont mind them. he just dont like the long ones. makes him uncomfortable in some way. he doesn’t do them that often, but when he does they’re really memorable and soft.

—‘I’ IS FOR I LOVE YOU (how quick do they say i love you?) waits a little long before pulling the big ‘l word’. i wouldnt describe him as head over heels for you, but he’s in love.

—‘J’ IS FOR JEALOUSY (what are they like when they’re jealous?) oh boy, can this man get jealous. like, hella jealous. if someone so much as stare too long at you, he’ll glare at them while bringing you closer towards him. touching you? a line nobody can cross. that shit is a death wish. his mami, not yours.

—‘K’ IS FOR KISSES (how does their kiss schedule work?) hold me back i finna go wild on this one. though you’re probably his first relationship like ever, he didnt know how to kiss at first. as time went on though, his kisses got really passionate and filled with longing. everytime he kisses you, he misses you just a little bit less cause he knows you’re here. you’re here to stay. you’re his. he would kiss you anywhere. your least favorite part? kissed. your favorite part? consider it done, bae. he likes cheek kisses a lot. he doesn’t know why, though. he also really likes looking at your eyes when he’s done kissing you, he likes eye contact in general. if you are avoiding it or simply looking away from him, he’ll snap his fingers in your face and hold your chin as you turn towards him.

“ma. look at me. i won’t ask twice.”

—‘L’ IS FOR LITTLE ONES (how are they around kids?) not a fan of kids, they’re too noisy. he’s really awkward with them because he internally just thinks they’re little brats, but he also knows they’re stupid. his kid though? he will adore them so fucking much you might have to separate him.

—‘M’ IS FOR MORNINGS (how do your morning routines go?) he wakes up whenever you wake up. your morning routine is basically his, only that he adds a few more steps to it. those ‘few more steps’ being holding you for a solid five or so minutes before you carry on with your early rising.

—‘N’ IS FOR NIGHTS (how does your night routine go?) much like the mornings, his night routine is similar to yours. except, sometimes you dont even finish the whole thing because he wants your time and attention to himself before he drifts off to sleep.

—‘O’ IS FOR OPEN (when will they become more personal?) probably on the third or fourth date. the first two he would want to know more about you. but, he would drop little things he was interested in too.

—‘P’ IS FOR PATIENCE (how patient are they?) he doesn’t get upset that easily, with you atleast. don’t push him too far with your smart mouth, though. that’s what can really piss him off sometimes.

“the fuck you think you talkin’ to? tone down that attitude fo’ me.”

—‘Q’ IS FOR QUIZZES (how much would they remember about you?) he would remember the things that intrugied him about you, but he wouldnt remember every single thing. that’s how he knew what to buy you if he wanted to surprise you.

—‘R’ IS FOR REMEMBER (whats their favorite moment?) he loves them all equally, frankly if he had to choose he couldn’t.

—‘S’ IS FOR SECURITY (how protective are they?) pretty fuckin’ protective of you. and you love it. sometimes, he would stalk you just to see how you were doing or if you were okay. he just doesn’t want to lose someone again, he hopes you understand.

—‘T’ IS FOR TRY (how much effort do they put into your relationship?) he tries to make an effort into planning dates but those plans often get spoiled by his alter. he will always make it up to you, though. no matter what.

—‘U’ IS FOR UGLY (whats one of their flaws?) lying. he doesnt like to lie to you, but it keeps you safe. it got to the point where he would lie about little things on accident, like taking out the trash.

—‘V’ IS FOR VANITY (how insecure are they about their looks?) not a lot. if you think he looks good, then he looks good. sometimes he wonders how he even managed to pull someone like you.

“whatever, amor. if you think i look good, then i look good. whatever you say goes.”

—‘W’ IS FOR WHOLE (would they feel incomplete without you?) yes. nothing more.

—‘X’ IS FOR XTRA (random hc about them?) he behaves like a cat sometimes without even knowing it.

—‘Y’ IS FOR YUCK (whats something they dont like in a partner?) he probably doesnt like loud noises. yes, he does ride a motorcycle but he probably wears earplugs to help with the noise.

—‘Z’ IS FOR ZZZ (what are their sleeping habits?) he’s naturally a light sleeper, so anything faint could wake him up. something he does when you sleep with him is that he would hold you so close and tight that you once had a dream you fell and broke your back. and a actually felt that pain in real life. yikes. another habit he has is playing with your hair subconciously and muttering things about you in his sleep. you both have woken up to it multiple times.

© mayeluvsu 1610 version

[dotthings]

Congrats to the fans of the wee woo show. I don’t go here but it makes me happy to witness how this arc for Evan Buckley got to bloom and I’m happy because I hope this reflects another shift in the TV industry.

For some media commentary context for you: ABC network is owned by Disney. Fox network was owned by Rupert Murdoch. So I can see how the network change for 911 can easily be a factor on how this got greenlit, after years of creator Tim Minear’s intention to work in hints, on the off chance he could take it there. (I don’t go here, but I did my reading). Oliver Stark who plays Buck also revealed he's been for it and couldn't say anything, until he was sure they could do it, until it aired and was out there. (*steeples fingers*)

For further context, Bob Iger—with George Lucas’ vocal support—just fended off a right wing coup on the Disney board from the kinds of people (like Peltz) who complain “why do we need so many female leads” “why do we need movies with all Black leads.” While it doesn’t mean Disney is no longer an evil megacorp, I’m pointing out that its CEO defended inclusive Disney brand content to the shareholders and the board, as well as dismantling the idea that it can’t be entertainment while being diverse.

The ripple of this goes outside of the wee woo show fandom. I’m seeing the joy on my dash from people who don’t watch the show or don’t watch it regularly, as well as from people who have been watching a long time and noticed things and realized there was a progression and it was there all along, and I know how much this must mean to a lot of people. With the world being how it is, with what people are facing inside the US from the far right, in their real lives.

It’s very hopeful in general for inclusion levels on a major network TV show, owned by a big evil megacorp. Representation matters.

Also I'm aware the wee woo show already had a queer couple, plus it's already an intersectional inclusive series, that’s great.

There shouldn't be limits placed on inclusion though. “But you already have X” shouldn't be weaponized to tell people to shut up. There is no “enough” or “too much” when it comes to inclusion. While I'm not for undermining the inclusion that's there, I've seen that weaponization used with a series that hasn't been great on inclusion, and I've seen that weaponization used for 911, which is. It's a sus argument.

Indirect and unintentional as it is, also bi Buck shut down every concern troll, every gaslight, every denial, every rationale I've ever seen people deploy against bi Dean. Everything from people who don’t understand what bi actual means—“but he likes girls so he can’t be bi”—to “but he wasn’t declared bi from the start of the show so he can’t”—yes he can and the wee woo show just did. On one of the original big three networks. Or people who say it would "ruin the character." Really? “But he’s an action hero”—so what? Evan Buckley is a hero, Dean is a hero, both badass action heroes. “People who see this as canon are delusional”—Evan Buckley went O RLY? Not so delusional now, is it.

Evan Buckley avenged bi Dean.

It’s self-evident. It’s right there. Different show, different network, but the concepts are familiar, the situation has a certain familiarity. This turn of events on an ABC show didn't just make bi Dean fans valid. bi Dean fans were always valid, the bi Dean reading was always valid. But I appreciate how much what happened on the wee woo show bonked people with a truth stick, about self discovery, character arcing, queer readings, queer coding, and the validity of merely noticing things.

[onmyyan]

Marcos Delmont NSFW ABC'S

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Giggly and fucked out, he'll lick you clean before flopping down on top of you, likes to put his whole weight on you like a human blanket, once he catches his breath he's all over you, checking for any sore spots, kissing along the flesh with a certain tenderness.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Unashamedly proud of his dick, and fun fact, he's one of those rare men who actually knows how to take a good dick pic, on you however, he's very very fond of your tummy, big or small something about the soft, warm flesh there makes his brain go fuzzy, likes to bury his face in your stomach and just melt.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He's a freak and loves to make a mess of you both, multiple rounds are the minimum around here which means more often than not you're both covered in his cum, prefers hitting it raw for many reasons but the number one is getting to see his cum drip off your perfect body like a claim over you.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Oh he's dirty but has no secrets when it comes to sex with you, he's open and willing to try anything once meaning he flaunts his freaky bits a lot, case and point, he loves to film you two, all different angles, likes to wink at the camera cuz he knows you two are gonna watch them someday.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Community Dick 🗣️🤚🏼

Nah I'm playing but he does have the most experience out of all the Delmonts, meaning this certified munch knows how to play your body like a guitar.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Whatever positions let him see that bulge in your tummy, don't get me wrong he looooves hitting it from the back, the way you arch into him, but getting to see himself inside of you, turns his brain off, likes to press his hand against the bulge to make you cry out.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's somewhat in the middle, its lighthearted but at the flip of a dime he can get real serious about your pleasure.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Carpet does match the drapes, likes to shave designs into it, currently has a heart.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He tries to be romantic, really he does but he's so nasty it comes off as lustful, although after he cums he's extremely clingy, needs that skin to skin more than oxygen, very romantic in that post haze.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Total fiend both before and after you, but can you blame him? Everything you do turns him on, you've caught him many times and he grins like it was his plan all along, likes to huff your panties while he does it, lots of moans of your name.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Crying kink, god he loves getting you so worked over you can't help but cry those pretty tears for him, teases you for crying like he wasn't just edging you for three hours, Filming also turns him on like nothing else, has dozens of files of you two,

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

If he can get it in he will, he has no shame and will pop a bitch in public if they had anything to say about it, loves you anywhere anytime but his favorite place to tear your guts up in is his secret little base he has to himself, has fucked you over every surface in the warehouse .

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

The breeze could blow on his meat and suddenly he's calling you coming to wherever you are at the moment and begging on his hands and knees for pussy,

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Will never truly put you in harms way, he's kinky but if he feels like there's a real risk of danger it ain't happening

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

m.u.n.c.h he's fifty-fifty on preference but he adores going down on you, and makes it a game between himself to see just how often he can make you cum on just his tongue, very very skilled with that pinky muscle in his mouth, and when he adds his finger in the mix? you're done for.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Fast and rough is your go-to, even if he tries to slow down he gets so lost in you, in the pleasure it ruins him, he controls the pace but you control him.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Oh yeah, he's all about a quickie, anytime anyplace remember? loves to make you cum in this almost frantic giggly way, the thrill of doing it somewhere risky makes it all the more sweet.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Very willing to try things out and experiment, he can't help his curiosity, how far he can push himself in the name of your pleasure, how far he can push you, it's all very addictive.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

4-6 each round lasts a minimum of an hour and he won't stop till you've came.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He will use toys occasionally but it gets to his head and he'll start competing with it.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

This mother fucker is an absolute monster when it comes to teasing you, he will go on for hours nipping, sucking, and loving on you, there's no end in sight, even when you're in tears blubbering about nothing, he won't stop.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Very loud, he's a moaner and a curser, lots of grunts of your name and chuckles of disbelief, he can't believe how good you feel, how right it is to be inside of you, lots of whining towards the end.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Will cum on the spot if you spit in his mouth

7.3 inches

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

HIGH Lord have mercy he needs it all the time will be on his hands and knees if it meant a crumb of poonani

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Not quickly, he gets more energetic than anything, ready for more rounds or to play some overwatch with you between his legs

[buddiekinard]

No because can you imagine being the SWAT showrunners and writers? You have this guy on the show for years. He's not a regular but he appears in every season. He's well liked by the cast and he's attractive. But you don't really do much with him for years. Another show's had him for like 3 episodes, no big deal. And then the other show brings him back as a love interest during a bi awakening. His name recognition explodes. He's the guy from 2 viral kisses now. He gains a fanbase basically overnight. And then somehow, the other show manages to fumble it. And the second whatever contract ABC had him under is up, CBS has him back on that set and posting to make it obvious that he is there.

honestly, either there's some scheduling things happening that we aren't aware of caused swat to take him away (which actually could explain why oliver knew the break up was possible early in the season, if they knew that he was going to have to go do that and needed to explain him just being completely gone for a while, contract obligations, etc) OR swat really said damn we'll definitely take advantage of this shiny new fanbase.

honestly, i'm just gonna live in my blissful ignorance that he might come back because the break up feels so unfinished to me personally (and i know some people will disagree, whatever, but to me it feels like the middle of a romcom when one of the idiots makes a stupid decision and now everyone has to get them to take their heads out of their asses - it doesn't feel like the end of the story). and i know tim isn't a Big Planner but I also don't want to assume anything for that exact reason. who the fuck knows what's gonna happen. i don't really care if i'm being naive.

I also feel like the promo and interviews have been so fucking weird this season (deliberately misleading, so vague it could literally mean anything, etc) that i almost just throw my hands up and say whatever any time they say anything. so i'm just gonna be over here like maybe bucktommy isn't over. they brought taylor back like 3 times. anything can happen. its the freeway shark beenado dead wife clone show. [does a dance, bows at the crowd, runs away]

[itsbackwoodsbby]

Locker Room Sex

Stephen Curry x Black Fem Reader

A/N: I wrote this for my pleasure. I AM TWENTY, so there is an age difference. I am sorry if you don't like the age gap, but I still am obsessed with this FINE ASS man so don't judge me, judge ya mammy.

Warning: Age Gap! Dirty Talk! Cheating! Swearing! Unprotected Sex!

Summary: You were messaging Steph Curry for a while and then eventually he ghosts you. You were desperately in need to talk to him. For reasons. For answers, on what exactly is going on. You sneak in the Golden State locker room and you definitely get more than answers.

You greeted and told the guys goodbye and goodnight as they left the locker room. He was the only one left in the locker room taking a shower. He turned the shower off and came out with a towel wrapped around his waist. You look at his body. He was very toned for a 35 year old. You bite your lips and start imagining him with the towel dropped.

“Uh… can I help you?” He asks you kind of sternly. You look at him nervously. “Uh yeah. May I get an interview?” He looks at you, “You’re not an actual interviewer.” Reading right through your bullshit. “I’ve heard of ABC, ESPN, and Ballislife. Never have I heard of Big Balls Entertainment.” He reads your fake ass badge your best friend made you.

You swallow hard and you try to come up with a new lie, but you can't. Honestly, you only here to talk to Stephen Curry and possibly even fuck him. But you obviously know the plan is blown, so you walk out. He grabs your arm.

“You know fans can’t be back here either. You can go to jail.” He tells you. You sigh. “I just wanted to see you. You stopped replying to my messages.” He looks at you, “Wait, you’re the girl that I was snapping.” You bite your lips and shake your head before you look down. “And when you stopped texting me, I had to find a way to see you and talk to you.” He starts examining your body as you are talking. “Aye my eyes are up here.” You say sternly. He chuckles, “My bad.” He clears his throat. “Look. I have a wife. I have three kids. I can’t be doing this with you.” You look at him and nod you head. “You’re right. I’m so sorry.” You say as you get up to leave the locker room.

You don’t know why you thought your plan was going to work. You two are 15 years apart. He has a family. You just want him back though. You guys were only talking and sending nudes through Snapchat. It shouldn’t have got this deep as in you sneaking into the Golden State locker room.

A voice comes back to the locker room. It’s Klay. Steph and you run to the shower room and you hide in there as Steph puts on some clean boxers and goes back into the locker room. You listen to their conversation until Klay says he has to go home to see his doggie son, Rocco. He leaves and it’s just you and Steph. You were about to leave and he grabs your arm again.

“Nah. Wait a minute. You can’t leave yet.” He says. You look at him confused, “Maybe we can hook up one time.” He says before caressing your body. “You just said you don’t want to be caught up with me.” You say biting your lip as he squeezes your boobs.

Steph wanted you now. It’s only because he remembered his wife was going for two weeks for a cooking show. The kids were with his parents. So you could be his little cum eater while his wife was away. It wasn’t like Ayesha would care. He can just dispose of you when he got done.

You strip down and go inside the shower room taking your clothes with you. You wanted shower sex and he wanted the same. He smiles at your naked body before you disappear and follows you. He takes his boxers off and pushes you down on your knees.

“You said if you were to see me, you’d suck it.” He smirks. “Do it.”

You start with his tip and slowly lower down an inch. His dick is really big and thick. It’s kind of hard to swallow. You’re a big girl though, so you push through. Eventually you’re damn near eating his dick up.

“My balls need love too.” He says and pushes your head down. You bite your lip before you start sucking on his balls. He smiles and groans even more. You smile knowing you're doing a good job. “Fuck, I’m going to cum.” You go back to sucking and stroking his dick with one hand and massaging his balls with the other and he rolls his eyes in the back of his head. “Fuck, you’re a good at giving head.” He says. “Young ass eater.” He chuckles.

He starts fucking your throat. You start gagging at how rough he is getting with you, but it only motivates him to be rougher with your throat. He hits the back of your throat once and he starts nutting in your throat. You swallow it all. Eventually, he pulls out to see if you did. You smile and stick out your tongue. He smiles.

“Good girl.” He says. You stand up and he admires your wet body. He sucks on your neck and lowers to your nipples. He starts rubbing your clit and he smiles. “You want me to return the favor now or later.” You bite your lips, “Later. I need that dick.” You say.

He picks you up and slides you down his dick. You gasp and hang your mouth open, moaning a sweet note in his ear. He starts thrusting in and out of you. He proceeds to go faster and choke you a bit.

“You take this dick so good, baby girl.” He says groaning in your ear. “And your pussy is so fucking wet.” You whimper. “Ooh shit. You’re so deep. You’re so deep.” He smirks and goes harder. Your legs begin to shake. You’re on the verge of climax already. “Steph. Chill. I’m going to cum.” He chuckles, “Nah. Take it.” He says and goes harder. You try to grip the wall. “Mm, fuck daddy.”

He turns the shower off and heads back to the bench. The steam from the water was making it kind of hard to see. He lays you down with his dick still inside you. He pulls out and starts eating your creamy pussy. You start moaning and gripping the edges. His head game was vicious, it almost made you cum. Then he rams his dick back in roughly. You scream out. He chokes you.

“Chill the fuck out. You can’t be too loud, ma,” He says. You bite your lips. He begins to pound your shit in. “Ooh. Ooh Steph! I told you to chill. I’m going to cum.” He smacks your boobs and goes deeper. “Nah. Say my name.” He groans. “Oh daddy.” You say low. “Loud ma.” He says. “Fuck! Daddy! I’m coming.” You say louder. He chuckles and starts back pounding you. You let out a long moan before creaming his dick up. He looks down, “Yeah. That’s right. Paint this dick.” You cover your face as he starts going deeper. You try to push him away but he just pins your hands above your head.

Suddenly, he starts going faster and faster then you feel his warm liquid fill inside you. He groans in your ear as he does it. He pulls out and watches you leak out both of your juices. He looks down at you as you look at him. The two of you laugh at each other. You sigh and get up.

“Now, I got to shower.” You say and run to the shower. He joins you and you two just shower. You two get dressed and walk out to the parking garage together. He kisses you and rubs all over your body. He practically didn’t want to let go of you. You very slowly break the kiss and giggle. “Chill.” You smile. “You should come with me tonight.” He says. You think about it. You don’t mind but you would rather lay in your own bed tonight. “Nah. I’m going home. Maybe if you need me again, I can stay over.” He smiles, “Ight, lil ma.” You blush and get in your car and he gets in his. He honks his horn as a goodbye and you go to your house.

[starry-eyesanddaydreams]

Helloo! I love your ABC's series of Alan Rickman's characters and so happen to see that you posted a prompt idea list a few days ago! Could you do a "wearing the other person's clothes" and "head scratches" for Lionel Shahbandar please? (Either of the two is fine if it's too much 😅) Thanks! <3

Ohhhhhhhh I love this one. We're gonna go with both here. <3

Sleepy morning snuggles

Lionel Shabandar x Reader

Lions are softies at heart, sometimes they just want snuggles and scritches

It was an early Wednesday morning in London. The sky was grey, and rain was falling steadily against your apartment windows as you moved around your kitchen to make breakfast. Movement from the corner of your eye caught your attention and you turned your head to see your lover emerging from your bedroom, still looking sleep mussed. You tried to stifle a giggle as you saw what he was wearing. "What's so funny?" He asks, with a mock indigent glare. His deep voice even more gravely than usual. "Nothing." you reply, innocently, shifting you attention back to the toaster in front of you, "Pink's a good colour on you." He shook his head, a smile tugging on his lips as he closed the distance between you. "Well, it was the only dressing gown you had, and someone made off with my shirt." He ran his hands down your sides to your hips, his palms gliding across the soft, white button up shirt you were wearing. It looked like a mini dress on you. Gripping your hips gently, he turned you to face him. "Not that I mind. I quite enjoy seeing you wearing my clothes." Leaning in and pulling you closer, he pressed a trail of soft, lazy kisses from your lips, along your jawline and down your neck. You brought your arms up to wrap around his shoulders and he responded by nuzzling his face against the curve of your neck. Your body relaxed fully against his. He was still warm from your bed and his arms made you feel safe and secure. You slipped on hand up from his shoulder to the back of his head, tangling your fingers in his greying hair. You flexed your fingers, lightly scratching his scalp with your nails the way you knew he liked. The soft moan of pleasure he let out sounded almost like a purr. Lions were just big cats after all.

[wednesdaynn]

NSFW abc's: james potter edition

James potter x fem!reader

warnings: i mean it is in the title. DNI minors

A/N: omg i haven't written anything in like 7 months (which for me is kinda crazy) anyway, i am currently writing actual projects for actual books i hope to publish one day i've lost track of writing here.

either way, enjoy this little gift and my first dabble into the marauders era

no edits, all mistake are mine. i apologize english isn't my first language. let me know what you guys think fits our pretty boy the best.

A = After care (what they're like after sex) james is a doll, he makes sure you're both comfortable. before ever having sex with you, he made sure to have many conversations about many things, such as aftercare and what you both find important. he obviously helps with you with your needs and in return you help him with his, like taking a shower, many kisses, and reassuring words.

B = body part (their favorite body part)

his favourite bodypart on himself has to be his arms they're so big and beefy from playing quidditch since he's been a kid. he sees the way you almost drool when you look at his arms, especially under those tight shirts he wears. he loves when he's fucking you in missionary and you just grab onto his arms for stability. the crescent moons you leave in his arms are his favourite thing to see on his body the next day.

and on you, he can genuinely not pin-point his favourite thing. he adores every inch of you. from your soft arms to your belly, your soft hair. but he will admit he loves to feel your thighs squeeze his head, or wrap around his middle when he picks you up and fucks you down on his cock.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

this man lovessssss seeing his cum on or in you. anywhere he can get it, he has at some point in your relationship. he loves fucking it into you after fucking you and seeing it ooze out after he pulls out. or seeing his cum run down your tits after fucking them. he just loves getting you all messy and gross when he's in the moment. he definetly doesn't agree with that statement after he has to clean up.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

tights.... yes you heard that right, james is extremly sensitive to the feel of drifferent fabrics which can, very quickly, overstimulate him in every day life.

but when having sex the feel of tights beneath his hands when he runs them all over you thighs or through you folds over the fabric becomes a very arousing and electrifying feeling for him. also... thigh fucking...

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

james has had many flings, for quite some years so he's very expierenced with sex. he is also not ashamed to ask how to make you feel better, he always akss you what you need to cum and how you want it. tuning in on what your body needs, specificly.

F = favorite position

this man loves having you flat on your stomach while he fuck into you from behind, just being able to push into you and put all his weight on you like a weighted blanket.

G = Goofy? (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

he's very serious, like weirdly serious, his focus is solely on making you feel good. being in the

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

james has a little patch of curls right at the beginning of his base, and he never clipped or shaved it, he prefers to just keep it as it is.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

he's very intimate just focused on your pleasure and you feeling good.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

james is the king of masturbation, this guy... if he could do jacking off as a job he would. he's a horny bundle of energy. when he's showering, when he is going to sleep, when he just woke up, during a bathroom break, empty classroom... you name it.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

taking away the senses... but not for you, but for him. blindflonds, tying his hands up with your tie, stuffing his mouth with it. he honestly just loves being used by you, as long as he knows you're getting off.

L = location (favorite places to do the do)

his bed. when the two of you have acces to his dorm without the guys interrupting you both. he would prefer to plan the night completely. take you out on a nice date, go on a walk, eat some sweets with you, maybe drink some butterbeer or some firewiskey, and then take you up to his room where his dorm is decorated tot he max with the candles lit curtains drawn back towel ready for if you want it.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

just you, really. he doesn't need a lot to get up and going. the second you mention you're up for a bit of fun, he's ready to go.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

anything that could possibly hurt you, is a big no no! even if you let him know you don't mind him getting a bit rougher with you, he isn't a fan of it and doesn't see the pleasure in doing something that could potentially hurt you.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

as we all know our man is a pussy lover, he will eat you out until your cunt looks all pink and puffy and shiny with a mix of your cum and his spit. it's his preferred method of getting you ready for his dick.

he's usually to impatient to get head himself, preffering to pleasure you.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

slow and sensual all the way, he takes his time with you but he fucks you deep and hard.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

he won't pass up an opportunity to fuck you, ever. but he prefers to go back to his dorm and take his time with you. pulling you apart piece by piece. kissing all over your body, making you cum in many different ways. even when he has a busy schedule he tries to make time for you, if thats for a study date, going on walk by the lake, or fucking you in every way possible. but hey! if you offer a quickie because you're getting needy and need a quick fix, he's the last person to say no.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

not really, James enjoys a safe enviorment for both of you. where you can do what you want and be as loud as you want, without having to worry about people walking in or hearing you both. of course he occasionally drags you away from a party to an abandoned classroom. but he always makes sure to use a silencing spell and lock the door.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

he can last quite a while, and a few rounds if you give him time to recover. being a athlete he has a lot of stamina.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

nope, he's a teenager/young adult in the 70's, not something he has acces to as quickly.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

he's not much of a teaser, he likes to get straight to the point with you, just wanting to make you feel good all the time. he definitly takes the mickey out of you though. asking you to repeat what you said, tells you to speak up, but he gives in real quick.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

james is the loudest person you will ever meet. he is unashamed to let you hear how much he enjoys having sex. moaning, groaning, and whining in your ear. oh my god, he whines so much especially when he begs, he is such a beggar and dirty talker. it's all really overwhelming.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

i dont think this one comes as much of a surprise, but this man has an insane breeding kink. I mean this man will fuck his cum into you, so deeply, that there is no way you won't end up pregnant. he would constantly make comment about how you'd look so good with his baby in you, with you stomach and breasts all swollen up.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

this man is big, and huge, and beefy, and bulky. he has thick arms, big pecs, huge tree-trunk thighs, big hands, and a big cock.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

james' sex drive isn't as high as people expect it to be. everyone has heard the stories from the many girls he's had casual flings with who constantly talk about his sex life, but now that he's with you, he prefers other things much more. cuddling you in bed, reading together. of course he loves having sex with you, but his needs are fulfilled by just being with you.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

he's a clean freak so he first has to have everything cleaned including himself and you. so when you're done with after care, james makes sure everything is cleaned up first before he even gets into bed. then he makes sure you're comfortable, but after that, everything else is forgotten, this guy falls asleep immediatly. not even 5 minutes and he's out cold.

[the-froschamethyst4]

Shows Up

𖤐Pairing: Step dad! Gaz x Wife! Reader

𖤐Pronouns: She/Her

𖤐Warnings: fluff, language, mostly Kyle, a bit emotional, married couple, children, kissing, short one today

𖤐Summary: Kyle shows up to his step daughters talent show

————

————

"Kyle, we need to get ready to leave," Y/n says, coming out of the bathroom and putting her earrings in.

"I know, I know," Kyle says, putting some shoes on.

"Mama, have you seen my pants?"

"Kai, I laid them out for you."

"Well, I can't find them," Kai says, Y/n heads out of the bedroom and Kai behind her going to his bedroom.

Tonight, Y/n's daughter Skye was doing her schools talent show, she stayed after school to be able to rehearse for what she will be doing, Y/n didn't know what Skye was doing along with Kyle, but Kai knew and kept it a secret for so long.

They needed to get there asap, so they don't miss Skye's part of the show. For a while Y/n was so busy that she could barely show up to support her children, but after meeting Kyle and he helps out a lot, she puts everything on hold for her children.

"Come on, we need to go, now!" Y/n says as they all rushed to the car.

--------

Skye was back stage looking at people coming in a finding their seats, she wanted to see her mom and Kyle and know everything was going to be okay, she wanted to see them.

"Oops, Skye, what are you doing?" Her teacher came around seeing her peak her head from the curtain.

"I wanted to see my mama and my step-dad," she says.

"I promise they will be here," Skye goes to the wings of the stage now. Skye was never afraid to talk in front of people, which is a good trait she didn't pick up from her mother unlike Kai, he's terrified of the thought of getting up on stage in front of hundreds of people.

Y/n, Kyle and Kai had found their seats, Y/n sits between Kyle and Kai. She crosses her legs and Kyle placed his hand on her thigh to let her know everything was going to be okay. Kai plays on Y/n's phone because he was board and Y/n didn't want him on the iPad.

The lights dimmed and the show was starting, the teacher that was hosting the talent show came out and thanked the parents, friends and family for coming and showing up.

Y/n's legs bounces nervous for what her daughter might be doing, Kyle started to play with his fingers nervous as well. Kai gave Y/n her phone back and watched the performances of the kids.

----------

"Okay, thank you Matthew for show us that you can...burp your ABC's," the teacher rubs her temple and let's out a huff. "Up next we have Skye L/n, she wanted to do something special for her step-dad Kyle Garrick."

Kyle looks at Y/n was shock the same with Y/n, they then looked down at Kai, since he knew. He just shakes his head as if he's still not gonna say what it is.

Skye comes on stage, the teacher fixing the microphone to be down at Skye's level. She clears her throat.

"To Kyle Garrick my step dad, so kind, you're in my heart and on my mind. You help me learn and play each day, in your hugs I find my way. You teach me things I didn't know, like how to tie my shoes, you cheer me on with every try, with you I feel like I can fly. You read me stories, you tuck me in, you make me smile with your big grin. I'm so glad you're part of my family, you make my mama smile and laugh everyday, step-dad Kyle, I love you," she finishes, everyone clapped for the 1st grader.

Kyle and Y/n both stood up for her, she looks around for them and could see them right under the darkness even though the light was in her eyes. She waves at them both.

"Wow, that was amazing, Skye, that was such a lovely poem for Kyle and I hope he enjoyed it as well," Skye walks off the stage, going to the wing.

Y/n turns to her husband seeing his eyes were red, his fingers rubbed his eyes, and he was sniffling.

"Aww~ Kyle," Y/n holds his head close to her chest and kissed his temple.

Kyle for the longest time had thought Y/n's kids hated him, Kai took around a month to get use to Kyle and Skye took longer to get use to him, and he couldn't tell when Skye liked him or not, but he guesses she did like him.

----------

After the show Skye held a rose that her teacher gave her, she walks to the rows of seats trying to find where her mom, step-dad and brother were.

"SKYE!" She hears Kai's voice. She smiles and runs up to Kai, he picks her up and quickly drops her back on the ground, she sees Y/n running to her, Y/n picks her daughter up and she looks at Kyle.

"Kyle," she opens her arms and Kyle takes her from Y/n's arms, hugging her tightly.

"I loved the poem, baby," he says, rubbing her back.

"Good, I worked hard on it."

"I know, you did," Kyle kissed Skye's forehead.

---------

At home, Skye and Kai were getting ready for bed, Kyle picked up Skye and took her to her bedroom. He lays her down.

"So, what do you want to read?" Kyle asked.

"Princess and the Pea."

"Okay."

Y/n came into the room after putting Kai down. She leans against the doorframe and looks at Skye cuddled up to Kyle's side as he was reading the book to her.

"The End," Kyle says, looking over to his right seeing Skye was asleep. "Good night, kiddo," he kissed the top of her head and made sure she was comfortable.

"Come on, Kyle," she says, opening her arms and Kyle picks her up taking her to their shared bed.

[outboundskelliebros]

This is a part 2 to the name post here!

This was going to be a comic but I changed to a mini fic! With pictures of course!

Thank you a million to @traveling-papyrus and @joypawz for letting me include their skellies, Travelling Papyrus and ABC! I had to have a couple of the friends the bros made included! Also included is @loverofpiggies 's Blueberror cause I love him.

Also, thank you to everyone who suggested names!! Thank you thank you! All the name suggestions really were a big help!

Here are the pictures (and name reveal), and below the read more is the fic!

It was a disaster to swamp all disasters. The truest of catastrophes that could have possibly happened yet. A absoluter, awful, no good-

...

Okay, they had simply just forgotten they needed nicknames. But it wasn’t their fault! They were just so used to not being seen that they didn’t even consider that they would need something to make them stand out now that they were actually being, well, seen.

Like the good, pseudo-biggest brother he was and seeing this as his newest mission to help the Omega Timeline, even if they weren’t actually citizens of the Omega Timeline, Blueberror took to the task of helping them find their own unique names without hesitation. He couldn’t have them wonder around without name! Without purpose!

So, the three hauled coccyx into the not quite little hub the brothers resided in. After a few failed rounds of trying to think something up between just the three of them (The bros had reluctantly turned down Blueberror’s suggestion they they also incoparate Error into their names since they technically do have some error code in them, which was fine! Blueberror couldn't blame them for that. And the two just kept thinking up names that Blueberror knew other Sanses and Papyri had thought up), the brothers had decided to elicit help from...

Them.

Honestly, the time in the anti-void had made Blueberror a little hesitant towards the... voices. Sure, they were some of the only outside contact he had that helped stop him from going... completely crazy but it still brought back a few memories he’d rather push to the furthest part of his skull.

Though, they weren’t quite the same voices Error had but...

Well, in any case. They were admittedly helpful. They had more names to work with but sadly, the brothers still didn’t quite click with any of them. But, it definitely felt like they were getting somewhere. It seems all the space suggestions were resonating with them. And Blueberror was definitely on board with that. Pretty much every Sans and Papyrus he’s met adored the stars, him included, and well, their whole... station here was themed around space.

Still, they needed more help. So the bros decided to ask one more group of people for help. Well, more specifically, skeletons. Of course, it makes most sense for skeletons looking for nicknames to ask for help from other skeletons WITH nicknames! It was a no brainer! Which is good since skeletons didn’t have brains! Blueberror would have to share that one with them later since he knew they liked dumb jokes like that, mweheh.

The two brothers suggested they meet up in the apartment of a couple of new skeletons that made it to the Omega Timeline. Blueberror hadn’t had the chance to talk to them yet but if his sort little brothers wanted them to meet there, who was he to refuse? The two very politely dumped him in front of the other skeleton’s door along with all their work so far and introduced him to the two skeletons. Blueberror wasn’t expecting skeletons from a Lust, or... Lustlust as they explained it, universe but that was no issue! It just meant more friends! Besides, they were pretty welcoming and really nice and that made them good in his book. They introduced themselves as Toots, the Sans and Popie, the Papyrus.

After setting things up and getting to know Toots and Popie, the bros returned, practically shoving a skeleton Blueberror had never seen before through one of their portals that looked so surprised, Blueberror wondered if they just picked her up and brought her right here and bringing in a Papyrus through another of their portals that he... kind of has faint memories of? Things tend to blend together when there were so many of him and his brother running around. Luckily, the bros introduced everyone to everyone. The unique skeleton was named ABC and she seemed a little tense, but friendly! Blueberror tried easing her nerves with a few jokes since who doesn't like jokes but that seemed to make her more tense somehow?? Actually she wasn't the only one... At least his pseudo bros laughed.

And the Papyrus called himself Travelling Papyrus but the bros seemed to like calling him Traveller Pap so Blueberror figured it was fine if he did, too! He figured he’d seen him before!

Thus, the team of six skeletons put their skulls together and got to work on nicknames. Well, they did spend a little more time just hanging out then actually figuring a name out but that’s fine! Because in the end, they finally thought up their names!

...

OB Papyrus (standing on one side of the board): LADY AND GENTLEMONSTERS, I BELIEVE THAT AFTER MUCH DELIBERATION AND PUTTING OUR SKULLS TOGETHER...

OB Sans (perched on Blueberror's shoulders like a canary and vibrating with excitement): WE HAVE FINALLY COME UP WITH OUR SUPER SPECIAL NICKNAMES! DRUMROLL PLEASE!

TravelPap:... PERHAPS YOU SHOULD HAVE WAITED TO WRITE DOWN THE NAMES OR HIDDEN THEM FOR THIS DRAMATIC REVEAL...?

The bros look at each other before using their scarf/cape to cover the board like a curtain and the skeletons on the couch look at each other with various levels of amusement.

Blueberror: INTRODUCING...

The OB bros dramatically pull away their scarf and cape to reveal 'ANDROMEDA & COMET' written on the board

OB Sans: COMET...

OB Papyrus: AND ANDROMEDA!

ABC: Oh! Andromeda is the name of a galaxy, right?

OBSans: SO IS COMET! AND YOU KNOW, COMIC? COMET SANS? ONE OF THE... HM... OVERSEES FROM BEYOND HELPED WITH THAT ONE!

OB Papyrus: SINCE, WE ARE LOTS OF LITTLE PARTS OF DIFFERENT... US'S PUT TOGETHER AND THAT'S WHAT GALAXIES ARE... SORT OF... SO... GALAXY NAMES!

OB Sans: MWEHEH, PRETTY SMART, RIGHT?

LLpapyrus: Well, As One Of The Skeletons Who Helped You Come Up With Those Names, I Agree It Is Smart!

LlSans *fingergun*: ditto. s class names.

TravelPap: YES! THOSE ARE FINE NAMES! AS LONG AS YOUR HAPPY WITH THEM THEN THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS!

ABC: Mmhm! I agree! I’m glad you two finally got them! Not sure if all this work was required-

Comet: OF COURSE!

Andromeda: 1000% REQUIRED! IT LET US THINK IT OVER AND GET TO SHARE THEM WITH ALL OF YOU AS SOON AS WE THOUGHT THEM UP! SO AS YOU CAN TELL, COMPLETELY REQUIRED!

ABC: ... I see. Then... I agree! It was required afterall!

And then they all got to celebrate by hanging out more! The end!

Honestly really happy with these names! I'll probably shorten Andromeda like how people shorten Blueberry to Blue but still!

[neil-neil-orange-peel]

A Bastard's Carol: a work of fanfiction by scumbaganarchy 💣

Season's greetings, scumbags! I hope you're all having a pleasant day. I come bearing a gift (of a sort):

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1we8qEVul2PTWFCtaVqyyXccVg8-xZBte/view?usp=sharing

A huge thank you to @viviangreeneart for the awesome art! ❤️ It turns out we should all definitely be making fake novel docs out of our fanfic. It's good for the soul.

Some pretentiousness about ABC below the cut.

Just over five years ago, a naiver version of me had the idea of writing a Young Ones/Rivyan parody of A Christmas Carol. She started actually writing for this idea in December 2019... and promptly discovered it was going to be a whole lot bigger than she'd anticipated. With one chapter posted before the big day, she decided to kick the rest into the new year.

That new year was 2020.

Yes, that 2020. Although, to be fair, what other one could I be talking about?

We'll skip all of that. None of us need to relive it.

One year, two or three lockdowns, and four indefensibly long chapters later, ABC was finally done and dusted in December 2020. It stood at around 60K words, making it by far the longest thing I'd ever written. I guess we all had to spend that empty time doing something, right?

Followers of this blog will have noticed, I'm sure, that I've never shut up about ABC since. Maybe you even rolled your eyes when you saw the title of this notification? Uh oh, she's going on about that old thing again...

Yep.

Look, I'm incredibly bad at hyping up my own work - self-deprecation is a bad habit, but a common one - and the more time that passes between who you were when you wrote something and who you are today, the harder being positive about it can get.

I was 18 when I wrote ABC. I had only gotten back into writing properly at 17. The whole work went through one major copy edit a year or so ago, when I knew a little more about writing - but I still didn't know as much then as I do now, and I suspect (and hope) the same will be true for a future version of myself when she looks back on my writing from this time.

All of this is to say, sometimes ABC reads to me as something written by somebody else. 18 year old me didn't write exactly the way I do now; she hadn't gotten the Bachelor of Arts cheat code boost that I have. But she was extremely passionate. She did love the bastards Rik and the gang created with all her heart. She'd also studied A Christmas Carol for her GCSEs only a couple of years previously, so she did at least understand the text she was taking a chainsaw to. I think all of this mattered. I think this gave ABC heart.

But what's my point in saying all of this (again)?

For a very long time, I've wanted but held back on commissioning an artist to draw me a cover. Well, no more. Truly, thank you ever so much to @viviangreeneart for indulging me and creating something fabulous for this old fic of mine. Thank you too to everyone who has ever commented on or kudos'ed ABC on ao3 over the years. It really does mean more to me than I can say.

Having dropped a new and flashy PDF decked out like an actual novel, here's the link to ABC on ao3, which will always be its home:

Merry Christmas, scumbags. Cliff bless us, Everyone!

[palskippah]

Oooh mareach preg ftw!

Ngl Im kind of curious, how did mario and peach handle the birth? 😳

Hi! Yess 😭 Them expecting babies is so cute to me ;-;

They (mostly Mario) handled the labor and birth like champs, although at the beginning both had the downside of panicking, but later on they had the help of people with more experience than them (Luigi or the doctors) or that were less panicky during the situation (like Toad). Mario was scared shitless bc giving birth is intimidating, but once he's with Peach and Luigi he's much calmer.

Btw I don't think I'll set this on stone, bc there's other ways the labor and birth could've gone that I also had thought of and actually written or drawn askdlsa but I'm sharing this one bc I like it c: Like, Toad's singing (like that person at tiktok that dresses up as him and sings shakira's songs?? them) makes him laugh too hard and that makes him break his water and he's like 🧍 bc he doesn't realize at first and all-

Under the cut there's a much more (I mean it 😔) detailed description of how it went! It's pretty long (mostly the labor part) and you'll scroll a lot sorrie, I thought of shortening it, but then left it like it is- the moments are separated by star emojis, so if you wanna skip to the birth, go ahead jiji

Birth isn't explicit but I'll give you a warning about it anyway! Also, it's kinda cartoonish (I think? maybe not) for the fun of it, I'm not a big fan of serious stuff sdlksdks

BTW! here's the bebis :'v

[Nettarina was born like half an hour before Mariella was, so she had more experience with being out in the harsh, cold world out of the womb- so she was peacefully sleeping while her twin was being delivered akjsdkd

Imagine those scenes in TV where there's in the first plane a very peaceful thing going on and at the background there's a ruckus- something like that but with Nettarina wrapped in her warm blanket and sleeping comfortably in her bassinet, and in the background there's Mario grabbing the hell out of Peach's and Luigi's hands while he pushes and grunting in effort and the other two are encouraging him and stuff, she doesn't wake up at all despite the noise.]

Also, there are some drawings that are kinda vague about birth- and also the newborn baby will not look like an actual just newborn baby bc that's too much 🧍

Anyways, enjoy the thingie if you read it!

🌟So! The whole thing is very fast and tiring- like when Mario wakes up, he doesn't even hope he'll go into labor that day, and before the sun even sets, he already had both babies in his arms.

Also, I read that first-time pregnancies are a tiny bit more likely to go past full-term and I was like sure why not, let's put Mario in situations. So, he's overdue by just a few days and honestly the babies are really taking their time with getting there, and that's why he isn't even worried that particular day that he'll go into labor.

Also, the doctor had said they'd have to consider induction if the babies didn't make act of presence in the next week. Bc twins usually are expected to arrive like at the 38th week, where they are already full-term, and over that is considered overdue- so maybe Mario is like 38 weeks-and-something pregnant in this day where he has the babies.

🌟 About the labor-

For when Mario goes into labor, I'm torn between doing it sitcom-like, where Peach for ABC reason is very far away from Mario, and she has to go through frustrating drawbacks to get to him quickly, or go with that it happens when they're together and all comfortable and stuff sdkjskd

But going with the first option, imagine Peach is at a meeting that she definitely didn't want to go to, where the king was adamant about her presence and of other royals to see the matter (which in Peach's opinion, could've been handled via email!), so she couldn't send in Toadsworth to sort it through.

Peach warned the host king that Mario could go into labor at literally any minute, and she wished to stay with him when it happened (Mario was supposed to go into labor a few days ago, she was really anxious about it!), but the other thought she was being overdramatic, surely Super Mario would be fine without the princess for a few hours.

Many royals think that way initially, whenever Peach requested that meetings be held at her castle, or that may Toadsworth go in her behalf, since she doesn't want to leave Mario's side for too long. But, they wholly understand when they see Mario, who definitely looks like he's ready to pop. Others are more understanding, because they have been the pregnant person being fretted over, or the partner that frets, so they indulge the princess on her requests.

And well, she was overly worried the whole meeting, and barely paid any attention. At the beginning Peach texted Mario every few minutes to make sure he was okay and calm her anxiety, but after one too many judging looks from the host king, she apologized and asked one of the servants to take her phone until the meeting was over, knowing she'd keep using it otherwise- she had duties to attend as a princess, despite her worries as a soon-to-be mom.

Meanwhile, back at the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario had woken up not long ago, stretching as much as he could and groaning because he slept like hell. His back hurt a lot, like was usual lately. He briefly wondered when the babies would dignify themselves to show up, so he could have a proper night's sleep finally (as if! with two newborn babies it wouldn't be very likely), because they overstayed long enough, he was supposed to have them in his arms by now, while also he wished Peach was there to just magic his pain away.

Mario resigns himself to hurt and keep being pregnant for a few days more. He throws a look at his side, and then checks his phone, smiling at Peach's (fretting) texts, so he starts answering to each of them, while getting himself more comfortable on their bed.

[Good morning my love! 😚😚😚] Good morning bella mia :33 [Are you awake? 🥰🥰] I am [Maybe not, it took you a lot of time to fall asleep 🤕 just wait until the little rascals are born, I'll give them a harsh lecture right away] Me too bc my back hurts like a beach I wish you were here to make it better :c [I love you] I love you very much too! [Te amo mi amorchito pechocho💓] Ti amo la mia luce 💖 [Mi amore] 🥰 [Wake up mi amore] I did :D pick your phone peachy [King Calami keeps talking about I don't know what hepl] Pay attention and don't pick your phone peachy [Mario 🥺🥺] Peachy <3

Peach appears offline from not long ago; and Mario hoped she actually had put her focus on the meeting. After that, Mario does the extenuating routine of getting off of bed, showering, grooming, dressing on his own -which proves much harder than when Peach just does it for him, especially with the overalls and shoes, but he's in the mood for them, so he tries anyway (and almost falls off the bed trying to reach his feet- but at least no one's there to see him struggle). He does all this while feeling a bit restless the whole way, but it's been a few days of the same feeling, since the babies weren't born when they were supposed to.

Mario has a very late breakfast and then spends a while just nibbling on treats and lazing around (Resting! You're resting - says for the nth time a voice that sounds like Peach's). He made some plans with Toad over text, and soon he met Mario at the lounging room in the castle, ready for a walk around Toad Town.

Mario wasn't very sure if he still wanted to go, still feeling like something (read: labor) was about to happen. Toad offered staying at the castle, if he wasn't sure, and they could eat ice-cream right there too and maybe watch a movie, or just walk through Peach's gardens. The thought of the ice-cream stall at the middle of Toad Plaza makes him salivate and reconsider- oh his damned cravings. Also, to walk and enjoy the sun and bustling streets would do him good, so they go.

The walk to Toad Town is very slow but filled with conversation (mostly from Toad). At certain times Mario felt cramps on his belly, but he has been feeling them from weeks ago, so he doesn't get too worried about them. At the platforms Toad very carefully helps him. And while they walk down the steps, Mario looks at the pipes systems and all the toads going through them, which was a much quicker way of getting anywhere. Not for the first time Mario lamented that traveling through pipes was not safe for him anymore, and it made him too dizzy anyways (and in some of them he didn't even fit any longer- but whatevs).

Through the walk many toads greet both of them as usual, some commenting lightly about the babies not being there yet, which had Mario chuckling politely (bc, of course they're not there yet, Mario is clearly still huge!) and by the time they get to the ice-cream stand Mario's too tired and feeling kinda out of breath, so Toad tells him to sit and wait for him to get the ice-cream, and Mario does so gratefully.

When he's at the bench, the cramps only get worse, and he briefly wonders if maybe they're contractions- He hopes they are, because the babies are overdue and he is tired as hell of carrying them, but also- he wishes it's not the case, he doesn't want them to come out yet because he is still way too nervous of giving birth. Either way, the cramps hurt and are uncomfortable, and after a while they stop, and he realizes he'd have to pay closer attention to them, lest he actually was in labor.

Toad gets back with their stuff and they eat and talk and it's very nice, because the day is sunny and calm, and the babies aren't as energetic as other times (which is always good, because they would beat up Mario's ribs, bladder and whatever was in their way whenever they kicked or stretched).

Suddenly Mario feels a particularly bad cramp, and he has to take a moment to breathe through it, wincing in pain and placing his hand where he's kinda feeling it. It catches Toad's attention, and he gently pats Mario's arm to be of comfort.

Toad then gasps excitedly, "Wait- are you having contractions yet?"

Mario shakes his head, then signs, "I don't think so."

"Aw... I want to meet your babies already, Mario," Toad laments, taking a sad lick from his ice-cream cone. "I want to receive my Uncle Toad title from you too."

Mario smiles at him and shakes his head again, in amusement, the toad had said years back that he was happy to receive the title from Luigi, and now from Mario, as if they were some sort of university of unclehood by simply becoming parents.

At some moment, their conversation takes a turn towards Mario's relationship with Pauline, for some reason. Toad can't believe Mario had sung with the Pauline! And why is he just now finding out about it?!

It leads to Toad begging Mario to sing something for him someday, and Mario saying he can beg all he wants. Toad shakes his head in feigned disappointment and says, "I would never deprive you from my singing skills, Mario!" And Mario does a 'really? prove it' face, so Toad graces him with the most off-key, shrillest and loud cover of Pauline's Jump Up, Super Star!

It had Mario laughing almost hysterically- it probably wasn't even that funny, but he was caught off-guard bc Toad started off strong with the main vocals and from then on, his singing didn't get any better. He was holding his belly while trying not to drop his ice-cream and waving slightly at Toad with it to stop- or he's sure he'll... oh- have an accident.

Mario stops laughing all of a sudden and looks down with a grimace. For a few seconds he thinks not again! because he has two heavy babies resting right over his bladder, he can't help it sometimes! But this time it's much more than usual, and he can't even stop it.

He turns to Toad in panic and embarrassment, because he's sitting in the middle of the crowded plaza and there's no way other toads won't notice! Toad notices his exalted state and stops singing. He tilts his head in confusion and worry.

Mario signs "I peed myself."

"Oh- that's huh..." Mario looks more embarrassed. "That's okay! Don't worry, bestie, I'm going to fix it. You just stay here, Mario!"

Toad shoves the rest of his ice-cream in his mouth and while he munches the waffle cone, he jumps out of the bench and scoots somewhere in the crowded place. Mario huffs in discomfort, throwing nervous glances around him, hoping no one suddenly decided to speak to him. He looks at his cone still in his hand, melting down. He gives it some licks, entirely out of anxiety, because he doesn't have much appetite anymore.

Toad returns soon enough, carrying a folded blanket with himself. Very subtle, especially with the nice weather and Mario in his long overalls. The man kicks himself mentally for being picky about Toad's ideas, when his friend is clearly trying. Toad jumps on the bench and gets closer to whisper to Mario, "I asked some friends to bring you clothes. Don't worry though, I told them to be discreet about it- also got this blanket so we can walk to a bathroom."

Toad sits back down beside Mario on the bench, to wait for the other toads. Mario decides to occupy that brief time by finishing eating his ice-cream, and rubbing his belly while silently scowling at the babies for putting him in situations. When the toads arrive, carrying a little bag, they discreetly leave it on the bench, and walk casually in the other direction, not even looking at Mario or Toad. Mario lets out a relieved sigh, glad that they left them alone. Toad stands on his seat and extends the blanket, leaving it ready to use over the bench, and then jumps back to the floor.

"Let me help you up," he says, extending his little hands to him with a big smile. Mario smiles a bit funnily, knowing that Toad wasn't precisely strong enough to pull him up.

After much effort from both, Mario is on his feet, and he has to suppress a disgusted shiver, because the wetness is very uncomfortable and has gone cold. Toad notices his discomfort and hurries to hand the blanket to Mario, who wraps it around his shoulders. The toad makes sure it covers all the damp spots, and then they get to it, looking for the nearest bathroom either of them can think of.

Toad peaks his head in a restaurant, and quietly asks the receptionist to use the bathroom without being clients, who refuses, being strict about their rules, but Toad says with a knowing smile, 'it's for Mario' and the other toad quickly agrees for them to just come along, anything for the Mushroom Kingdom hero! (But Mario's sure it's because he's very pregnant, it's obvious).

When Mario's inside and Toad's doing guard outside the door, he strips from his wet clothes and rummages through the little bag, pulling out one of his red maternity dresses and underwear. He smiles to himself in relief as he thinks 'perfetto...' because having to ask for help from Toad to put on his overalls would probably be the last drop in the glass for Mario to- to have a breakdown or something.

When he's almost done and letting the dress down his arms, he feels such a strong cramp in his belly that he's just sure it must be a contraction. Mario panics for a few seconds because his arms are stuck in the dress and he's in pain and all he sees is red! He has to double over and support his weight with his hands against the wall the best he can, while he tries to quiet down his pained groans and tightly closes his eyes.

When it passes, he gives himself a bit of time to catch his breath back, and then quickly lowers the dress the rest of the way, to dress himself properly. Mario then holds his belly, looking around the bathroom nervously. He slowly paces on the small space in building panic- he's sure it was a contraction! It was way too strong- and- and the accident? What if that was his water?

He stops waddling and looks down at his belly, placing his hands on it as if silently asking the babies if that was the very important liquid that signaled that he was indeed in labor. Mario notices that he's breathing way too quickly, so he tries to do the breathing exercises that Doctor Toadlina taught him to do- he clenches his fists tightly over his belly while the babies move leisurely as if their mamma wasn't freaking out.

Outside, Toad hums to himself patiently, giving Mario all the time he needs to get comfortable in the changing of clothes. He nods to passing waiters and clients alike, with a big smile.

Back inside, finally Mario's calm enough to think of what he should do now if the babies are coming- he immediately thinks of Peach and that she's far away and literally on another whole kingdom, with no pipe system attached to theirs! Mario scrambles as fast as he can for his phone, feeling his hands and his lower lip trembling in fright.

He calls her and places the phone by his ear, while trying still to breath calmly and failing spectacularly. His fear only spikes up when it sends to voicemail. Mario calls a couple more of times, each without success. He tries to write to her instead, being a bit difficult with his shaking fingers and his blurring gaze due to the tears.

Pech I don't wanna scare you but i think I'm in laborr Pelsa answer Nd come back soon I'm very scared

He holds his phone in his hands for a while, still trying to convince himself that everything will be okay... Mario frowns and looks to the side for a second, those words remind him of something.

Everything will be okay...? Right, Luigi! Mario should call Luigi. He calls him this time and smiles in relief when his twin answers right away.

"Ciao, fratellone!" Luigi says happily.

Mario's smile drops when he realizes just then that he must talk if he called- Oh, fuck! What an idiot! He's bringing more despair for himself on his own!

He opens his mouth and then closes it and shakes his head- why does he never think things through?! He curses himself, now with tears of frustration in his eyes and the thought of just hanging up and texting instead goes through his mind.

"Bro? Mario? Is everyth-" Mario quickly hangs up and goes to text him. He blinks his tears away the best he can and writes down while his phone rings and the notification of Weegee calling... appears just above the chat.

M in labor nd pach isn't here Can you come ?

A few seconds pass when Luigi answers:

On my way Where are you going to be?

Mario sniffles and thinks quickly, should they go to the castle, or maybe just wait for Luigi to get to the restaurant? Mario didn't want to be in that bathroom all alone, he felt too scared and defenseless. But he doesn't think he had the energy to go to the castle quick enough either.

Gret toadcimu restornat Oki I'll be right there bro Pls be calm Everything will be okay I promise Are you with someone? Let them help you Mario To stay cal M Ok

Mario opened Toad's chat this time, feeling at least a tad bit calmer now that he knew his brother was on the way.

Tod Come in pls

A short moment later, a knock sounds at the door, and Mario unlocks it and let his friend in, Toad closes the door and looks at Mario in thinly veiled worry when he notices his tears and panicked expression.

"What's wrong, Mario?"

"I'm in labor," he has difficulty even signing, his hands trembling too much. Toad seems to have difficulty to understand what he signed too, but when he does, he opens his eyes widely and seems absolutely ready to start panicking. Mario braces himself for his shrilly screaming, but the toad shakes his head quickly and sets his face on a determined expression, that Mario would not be surprised if he started speaking in a very deep voice.

"We have to go to the castle, then! I'll tidy this up, you- you just focus on not having the babies yet and calm down. Calm down, Mario!" he says in his regular voice, with a very subtle hint of panic that Mario can easily ignore for his own sake. The toad starts gathering his wet clothes in the little bag, then hurries on folding the blanket while Mario focuses on doing the breath exercises.

Another contraction hits in and Mario has to lean against the wall again, groaning in pain and holding his back. He feels like it lasts even longer and hurts worse than the previous- how is that possible? They were supposed to grow very gradually in intensity and time!

He feels a hand on his back, and he turns to look at Toad, with a pained expression on.

"Do I call the princess?" His friend knows Peach isn't in the Mushroom Kingdom, but Mario shakes his head. She didn't answer him, it'd probably be the same for Toad.

Mario breathes through the contraction the best he can, and when it's over he tells Toad that Luigi's on his way. The toad nods and leads them slowly to the outside of the restaurant, going through the tables occupied by many toads since it was lunch time, saying his thanks to the receptionist (and Mario awkwardly nods at them in thanks too).

Toad looks around quickly, looking for a bench for Mario to sit on, when he spots one, he leads them in its direction.

Just as Toad is helping Mario to take a seat, they hear, "Bro!" and Mario straightens up right away, looking around for his twin, almost losing his balance, and he and Toad and Luigi all panic that he'll fall, but Mario manages to keep standing as he grabs onto Toad's cap and the other hand supports his back, while Luigi runs to his side.

When Mario and Luigi are close to each other, the first thing Mario does is hug his twin, feeling like he wants to cry. And he does, actually, while Luigi gently shushes him and holds him tightly (albeit a bit awkwardly due to Mario's belly in the middle).

"It's-a okay, Mario, I'm here," Luigi says, subtly trying to catch his breath, he surely must have run all the way from the pipe that connected their kingdoms to the Great Toadchimu restaurant. Mario nods and buries his face on Luigi's shoulder, feeling much less scared than he did moments ago. The only thing to truly make him feel complete would be that Peach was there with him too.

Luigi takes care of the situation and instructs Toad to please get him a super mushroom so he could easily carry Mario to the castle. Once he eats it, he goes up the hills on a careful walk to not accidentally drop Mario or jostle him too much, while Toad hurriedly walks beside them, carrying Mario's stuff and calling Peach's father to let the doctor know they were on their way (and so were the babies-).

Back at Peach, the blessed (cursed) meeting that seemed like it lasted hours just ended, and the (damned) King Calami finally let them leave, but of course, he invited all the royals to have lunch first. But Peach is absolutely ready to tail it out of there and return to her own kingdom and to her Mario.

After exchanging quick pleasantries with the rest of royals, and passive-agressive words with King Calami that left no space to argue her reasons and determination to leave, the king kindly instructed a worker to prepare a vehicle for Princess Toadstool, as she's in such a hurry to leave already, and isn't even able to stay for lunch. The servant bows and leaves to do as instructed.

Peach smiles while inside she wishes unpleasant things for the king. She bows her head and walks calmly out of the meeting room, but one of the servants standing at the doors stopped her, "Princess Toadstool, your phone, your highness."

Right! Peach smiles thankfully as she receives it and immediately checks her notifications while walking out of the room. Her smile drops when she sees the three missed calls from Mario. With worry she clicks on the notification that says [New messages from Marito❤️] and her smile comes back in full force again while reading Mario's responses to each of her texts. And finally, her smile fully drops as does her stomach, all the way to her feet, when she reads the five last messages.

Mario's in labor?! Peach anxiously hurries to walk in a direction, then halts and turns around and prepares to walk the other way, then realizes she doesn't even know where she is supposedly going, and she's just panicking. Peach looks at her phone and quickly calls Mario's number, while trying to calm her breathing as she places a hand on her chest. There's no use on her losing her mind, she needs to stay calm.

Peach gets more anxious with each ring, until the line picks up and she jumps into talking.

"Mario, are you okay? Where-?"

"Princess, it's-a me!" She gets interrupted. It's Luigi.

"Luigi! Where is Mario?!" So much for keeping calm, she mentally scolded herself.

"He's-a with me, don't worry, we're-a going to the castle, oki? We'll wait for you there, Toad talked to Toadsworth, so he can notify the royal doctor."

"Hi! Princess, it's me, Toad, Mario's best friend- he's good and he's not talking now!"

Peach lets out a mildly relieved sigh, at least they had the situation under control.

"I hope you are okay, Mario," she says, lacing her words with the most fondness she can, while she smiles. "Please wait for me, I'll be there as soon as I can."

Luigi chuckles after a while, "He says he will, and he loves you, and you're his very beloved light- Hey! Don't-a hit me, I'm-a just adding-!"

Peach giggles to herself, imagining Mario swatting Luigi.

"I love you so much too, mi chaparrito bigotón pechocho," she says, allowing herself to be utterly corny, at least Luigi wouldn't get it.

"Aw please, Peach, that's so cheesy!" said Luigi while laughing and Peach's face burned. Right, he knows some Spanish, Daisy is teaching him only the things that are convenient for him to learn- like Peach's terms of endearment. When she hears Mario's own chuckles, she's glad she said what she said, despite her embarrassment. She smiles brightly, "I'll be there very soon, Mario! Stay strong, I love you!"

"Wait, when you're-a on your way here try ta do a videocall," says Luigi before she can hang up.

"Okie-dokie! Bye!"

Peach allows herself to jump in place for a few seconds, while holding her phone to her chest, closing tightly her eyes and smiling so widely that her cheeks hurt. Mario's in labor! They'll finally meet their babies! How exciting! She must get there as soon as possible.

As if on cue, the servant that King Calami talked to was walking to get closer to her. Peach walked to reach them quicker, expecting for them to tell her that her vehicle was ready.

"Your highness, I'm very sorry-" Oh great. "-but we have a few complications with the long-journey vehicles. But if you're willing to wait, by late afternoon-"

Peach shakes her head worriedly; Mario needed her now! Not by late afternoon- and she'd get to the Mushroom Kingdom by night if that were the case!

The servant patiently waits for the princess to arrange her thoughts, as she seems lost on her own mind.

What could she do? What to do... There wasn't a pipe system between this kingdom and hers, so she couldn't go quickly there, and the journey on any vehicle was longer than two hours, but there were closer, neighboring kingdoms to this one, that had agreed to install the pipes! She could go to them first, and then go to her wished destiny!

Peach is struck with a feeling-like-an-idiot urge to facepalm, because that's literally the way she got into King Calami's kingdom to begin with. She sighs, lamenting that her first-time parent panic is affecting her good reasoning.

"Are there available any vehicles for shorter journeys?" she asks with a falsely calmed smile.

The servant nods, "Yes, your royal highness. The smallest allow for a very fast travelling- but they fit only one member inside, you'd have to leave on your own."

Peach quickly nods, "Yes, I will- It's perfect. I'll, um- arrange for my toads to return the vehicle safely once I no longer use it, yes?" she says, trying to be convincing.

The servant nods and leads Peach to the room where the vehicles are (a royal garage i guess?), while mentioning how they will not notify the who was in charge (whoever that is-) first, if all because the princess looked so antsy that it was making the servant a bit nervous too.

Peach apologized for her clearly anxious state, delightedly (and unsubtly terrified) saying that Mario's in labor and she's in a hurry to leave. The servant looks back at her in surprise, because why didn't she say so before?!

After that, things go very quickly, both the servant and Peach hurry to get to the vehicle, where Peach puts her few belongings in and hops in, ready to drive as quickly (and safely-) as she can to the nearest kingdom with a working pipe system to the Mushroom Kingdom.

As she puts on her seatbelt, the servant, whose name Peach still doesn't know, bows respectfully, "I wish you luck and very healthy babies, your royal highness!" Peach smiles and nods hurriedly saying 'thank you so much!', and she starts her journey towards Mario.

Back with Mario, they are received by Toadsworth already fretting over the whole situation, while Luigi takes him to his bedroom, where Doctor Toadlina and two young toad nurses are already setting everything to attend his birth.

Luigi leaves Mario gingerly on the bed, in a sitting position. On the way up the hills Luigi asked Toad to take the time between each of Mario's contractions. They were way too close to each other if Mario supposedly started labor not long ago, Luigi is sure it must have been much earlier.

The doctor informs what will be done from then on, to pass labor and check his contractions and to check his dilation depending on how the labor progresses and the babies' position and all that (vague labor stuff, y'know 🧍).

Luigi (after asking one of the nurses to pinch him hard to wear off the super mushroom effect-) gently helps Mario into a more comfortable sleepshirt and underwear, while he makes some light conversation to distract him from his worry at Peach's absence. Toad isn't let in, and he asks to at least be updated if anything important happens, like the babies being born or Mario needing something. Doctor Toadlina politely closes the door on his face with a, "Thank you, Toad, we'll let you know!" while the nurses lightly giggle as they arrange water bottles, and very light snacks in their little coffee table, and arrange Mario and Peach's bed for more practical use, tying the bed drapes as tightly as possible to avoid them becoming a burden for any of them.

Mario breathes slowly and tries to keep himself as calm as he can, while closing his eyes as Luigi helps him to lay on the bed for a check up, Doctor Toadlina puts on a glove meanwhile. He feels Luigi's own gloved hand caressing his hair.

"It's-a okay, bro," he says softly, and Mario turns to look at him with a small smile, that turns wobbly after a second. He just wishes Peach was there too.

After the check-up, the doctor muses that he must be very far along in labor, because his dilation is very advanced. She announces that in no time he would be ready for the pushing stage. Mario nods with a very nervous smile, glad and also terrified to hear so.

So, Mario and Luigi do anything for him to dilate further, like walking around the spacey room, or doing different exercises together (the ones Luigi remembers from when he was in labor, and also the ones the toad doctor recommends them).

They are face to face a bit far away from the bed, both with their feet a bit apart and hands on their hips, both moving them in a swaying motion- Mario thinks his twin is doing much better than he is, and briefly wonders if he's doing it wrong himself, but then remembers that Luigi's not even pregnant, and Mario smacks himself mentally for being an idiot again, always realizing things too late. He shakes his head, he's not even sure anymore if it's the pregnancy brain or he's always been like this.

Luigi frowns, "No? But I thought you already settled on tha names-"

Mario blushes a bit, now realizing he and Luigi were supposedly talking. He shakes his head again with a bashful smile, letting Luigi know to just ignore him. His brother smiles comprehensively. "You're-a not even paying attention- Is your mind on tha princess? She hasn't called yet..."

Mario frowns and settles his gaze on the nurses quietly talking among themselves, a bit sad about the matter. He supposes she's still busy getting to their kingdom if she can't call, but still...

Back at Peach, she just exited the outskirts of King Calami's kingdom, now entering the long, deserted road that connected both realms. Now that the risk of running over someone were diminished almost to zero, she pulls out her phone, finally she can videocall Mario! She thumbs around on it, throwing brief glances at the road, and then back. As the phone dials she keeps it in her hand, not about to risk it flying away from the speed she was driving at.

The other end picks up and her big smile falls a bit when it's Toad's face that receives her, she muses that Mario must be a bit busy, then!

"Hello, Toad!"

"Hi, Princess Peach!"

"Where's Mario?"

"Oh, he's inside with the doctors and Luigi, he left his phone with me- when they kicked me out. I'll hand it to him, don't hang!"

The brothers end up going to the balcony for Mario to take some air after he realizes he's again way too nervous (so close to giving birth and Peach's nowhere to be seen!), while Luigi pats his back, and he leans on the railing. Mario looks up to the sky, the day is so nice and sunny, and it feels ironic with the way he feels- all heated up and tired already.

He gets another contraction and his hands clench on the railing while he whimpers and winces. Oh, Peach should get there sooner, she could help him to not feel pain! He tries to breathe through it as he's been doing it since they started, while Luigi rubs his lower back. It almost feels like the same rubs Peach usually did to ease his pain with her magic, only that Luigi's just brought him emotional comfort and nothing more.

They hear some commotion at the door that leads to the hall and both twins turn to look and see (nosey 🤨) what's going on. It's Doctor Toadlina scolding Toad-

"I told you already! You can't come in, Toad, only the queen and the princess can, Mario needs people that can bring him comfort and support-!"

"Yeah, I know, that's why I need to give him his phone, it's the princess!"

Mario gasps, Peachy is calling?!

He turns to Luigi and signals with his head for him to go deal with it. Luigi nods and leaves his side briefly (not before throwing a dirty look at Mario for ordering him around-) to go to the toads and see the situation. Mario doesn't have to wait long for Luigi to come back, talking to his phone with it in front of his face. Mario's heartbeat gets quicker at the idea of finally seeing Peach. When he sees her, he smiles brightly at Peach's face, being hit with a lot of wind and making her hair fly behind her.

"Hi, Mario!"

From then on, Peach and Mario talked as if she were right there with him, while Luigi did as an interpreter - given that the princess couldn't look too long at her phone while she was driving -, and Mario felt much better about the matter, now only longing that she was physically close to him.

He keeps doing exercises and staying hydrated and complaining from the contractions - at which Peach reassures she's going to calm all his pain away once she got there! -, while the doctor checked every now and then the position of the babies and stuff.

At a certain moment the connection halts because Peach had to go through the pipe system- and after that Mario had to resist the urge to laugh at her, because Peach was clearly running as fast as she could while still trying to keep her face on the camera. Mario also felt the excitement that she was very close to getting there. The background behind her changed fast from the outside of the castle to the main floor, and then to the hall where their quarters were, and finally she all but bolted inside the room, making Doctor Toadlina jump in fright and the nurses squeal in surprise.

"Mario!" she says, phone held in her hand. "Where- where are you?" She looks at the room, at the exalted toads, and then at her phone, looking at Mario's happy face.

"We're-a here!" says Luigi while waving his arm from the balcony's entrance.

"Oh!" she all but glides through the room, after saying quick hi's to the medical toads. And when her and Mario are finally face to face, they embrace the other so tightly and tenderly that Luigi quietly leaves to give them some privacy. Mario exhales in utter relief, at finally feeling completely safe. And Peach let her chin rest over his hair.

They walk to the bed and Peach lovingly helps Mario to sit close to the pillows, while the plumber keeps his hands at all times in hers.

Doctor Toadlina suggests Peach changes her royal clothes into something less cumbersome, so Peach obliges- and Mario reasonably knows it's better that way and it wouldn't take her very long, but he looked worried when she started to back away, in direction to their wardrobe- she smiled and said she wouldn't take long. Yet he still held into her hands until she pulled back too much, and they slipped from his.

At Mario's very puppy-kicked eyes, Luigi laughs and says Peach will be back to his side soon! Mario wipes his eyes and lays back on the pillows, smiling a bit ashamed of his reaction. Soon enough, Peach gets back from the bathroom where she changed, with her hair tied up, her crown still on and dressed in a white shirt and pink trousers, without her gloves or her blue brooch.

From there, Peach takes Luigi's place and is the one to help Mario with the exercises and helping him walk around or lay down or help with his contractions. She uses her healing magic several times each hour to numb his pain, and Mario sighs in relief each time she does. Also at certain times they sit at the little coffee table while she feeds him nibbles from the light snacks the nurses left. Luigi is glad to simply sit back as back-up support until the birth, enjoying the lovebirds' interactions, which in his opinion are adorable.

(Y'know those moms that do their make-up all pretty for when they give birth?) Since Mario had been crying and wiping his eyes so much, let's say his eyeliner had kind of wore off almost completely- and, in a moment of relative calmness while they waited for Mario to be able to push, Peach went to their bathroom and came back with his eyeliner. She proceded to apply it while humming to herself, as she has done many other times (this post!), while Mario smiled all relaxedly. He wasn't in pain, the babies were barely moving or bothering him, and both his girlfriend and brother were there with him (as were the doctor and nurses), so he was feeling all safe, although tired.

Mario doesn't feel pain anymore, but he is still so very tired. And the next few hours of labor and contractions became taxing way too soon, feeling the pressure at his pelvis as the babies got ready to be born and all that. As Peach helped him walk around, he finally decided he had enough of that, so he squeezed her arm to let her know, and from then on he kept himself out of his feet.

He looked tiredly at his brother from time to time, looking for additional support, while Luigi said comforting words, because he knew all too well how Mario was feeling. He spent the last moments before pushing mostly supporting his weight on the bed while on his knees, or laying propped up against the pillows, or sitting at the edge, all while still trying to vaguely do the exercises to help dilation and stuff.

🌟 During the whole ordeal Toad is outside and so is Toadsworth, because none of them were let in, for Mario's (and the medical toads) comfort. The old toad is more or less a nervous mess, so Toad takes on distracting the soon-to-be grandpa, while his daughter and son-in-law (never mind that Peach and Mario weren't married, he'd consider him so if he wished!) were going through the whole thing.

Mario at most was grunting or groaning loudly and stuff, not really screaming or anything, so from outside they couldn't hear much- which was more worrying than comforting, bc they couldn't guess what was going on.

Almost a couple of hours later, one of the nurses peaks their head out, excitedly saying that the first baby has been delivered and it was a healthy baby girl. It leads to Toadsworth being all tears while Toad excitedly (and quietly) celebrates.

Maybe he (or maybe even Luigi) had been keeping their friends updated on the matter? They have a big friend group chat or something and he's been writing the few updates he has been getting, like:

First baby's a girl!!!👶🥳🥳

And he receives a bunch of confetti emojis and crying faces and excited replies in the next few minutes, and asking for pictures (which are sent by Luigi a lot later, when Mariella had been born too, and Mario was sleeping and so were the babies).

🌟 During the birth-

The birth of each baby is extremely quick.

Doctor Toadlina gives the ok to Mario that he's free to push, but he's nervous and he quickly turns to look at Luigi, with his eyes teary and clearly very scared. His brother hugs him and is quick to reassure him that it'll all be okay bc he's right there with him (the meaning behind the words is that as long as they're together everything will be okay :''''v cries in brotherly love), and Mario smiles and nods.

Despite that, he is still feeling terribly nervous, but he's determined to do it anyways (because what other option does he have? Not give birth? He has to do it!), so he firmly grabs Peach and Luigi's hands. He takes a deep breath to brace himself- and then he exhales and takes another breath. Then he quickly looks at Peach with a pout. She smiles brightly back, full of encouragement- so he takes one last breath.

And then, he pushes with all the strength he can muster, holding and clenching Peach's and Luigi's hands firmly, not bothering to hold back (so maybe it feels like the man is trying to break their fingers, but Peach and Luigi don't say anything about that, of course-)

(pipipi kinda sad of these drawings, in the sketches they looked better and like he was really putting force into it skdjks whatevs I lost them)

After the first push, the doctor is pleased to notice that he made a lot of progress right away. And Mario's all slumped back on the pillows and trying to catch his breath, but he smiles very slightly bc he's making it despite his tiredness, woo! Peach and Luigi congratulate him quietly on his efforts, while the princess squeezes his shoulder and his brother pads at his sweaty face with his wrist. That helps too in giving him more determination to keep pushing with all he got.

The thing is that (for the sake of funny, remember) Mario is very strong and it takes one more, really strong push and the first baby pops out in the whole sense of the expression. She just shots out and Doctor Toadlina is definitely caught off guard, but she still manages to hold the baby, the thing is that she stumbles back, and she would've fallen if the assisting nurse toads hadn't hurried to help her stay upright, all caught by surprise.

She's like obviously surprised, as are Peach, Mario and Luigi (who actually took a lot of effort to push his own baby out, so he's like 'wowie bro :0'), but she quickly snaps out of it and congratulates the now officially moms for their baby girl, while the baby cries with all her little lungs' strength, looking too big in the doctor's arms.

Then she instructs the nurses to cut the umbilical cord and do all the procedures to check on the baby's health, while Peach cries because "A baby girl! that means we'll have two baby girls! Oh, Mario!" and Mario looks almost heartbroken that they had to take their baby away (he knows it's for her own wellness, but he just wants to see and hold her already), but then smiles widely at Peach's words, and at his bro's excited congratulations and hugs.

Doctor Toadlina offers Peach to hold their first born so she can bring her to Mario, but Peach is kind of scared and feels shaky from excitement, so she hurriedly tells Luigi to hold their baby instead, since he has more experience. And when he does, Luigi first holds her to Mario's face, and after making the baby kiss his cheek, he places her in Mario's arms.

When the baby is placed in his arms, Mario can't help all his tears because she's so cute! (she's actually a bit ugly, like any newborn baby is) and small (not really, she's bigger than average, especially for a twin pregnancy), and she's utterly perfect (that part's true).

Peach and Mario lean their heads together while admiring their baby (and having so many tears running down their cheeks, but they don't care).

"Oh, Mario- she's perfect," Peach barely chokes out, feeling her heart overwhelmingly full. She turns to him and kisses his head a bunch of times, while Mario smiles brightly. "You did great!"

Then Doctor Toadlina tells Mario that, given baby two's position, it'd be a while for them to be born, so he's allowed to rest and maybe take a quick nap if he wishes to. And Mario takes up on the offer right away.

He leans his head back on the pillows and, with his baby still held in his arms, he knocks out immediately. Peach lets out a surprised but amused giggle. And Luigi shakes his head in amusement too, he gently brushes Mario's hair from his forehead, and then pats his head tenderly. Mario's arms go a bit lose around the baby, but Peach and Luigi make sure he still holds her firmly, supporting his arms with their hands. While Mario naps they whisper about the baby, and how cute she is, with her little cheek squished against Mario's chest.

Peach notes all the physical features that she notices, the clearest one being her round Mario™ nose! And her brown hair, and her little dot eyes, so similar to how she knew Mario's were when he was a baby!

(Mario and Peach totally fall in love when they see their oldest baby- and fall in love again with the second- who arrives almost half and hour later.)

🌟 Once both babies are in Mario's arms, Luigi takes 23429 pictures of the three while claiming that each picture is absolutely perfect, because Mario looks happy in them (and the babies look adorably ugly- like newborns usually do), and Peach, while crying her eyes out, says how she's going to put all 23429 of them in their photo album (that so far has many pictures of Mario's pregnancy process-).

Mario's sure he looks terrible, because despite his joy he feels really exhausted, he can barely keep his eyes open enough to look at Luigi's phone while he snaps several pictures, and even though Peach ran her fingers through his hair to fix it up a bit for that moment, he knew it probably was still a mess.

It's just that everything happened so quickly and it was taking its toll on him, but at least he's very glad that both babies (baby girls! They're Mariella and Nettarina!) are in his arms already.

After everything is done, and he knows his babies are going to be well-cared for, Mario just passes out the rest of the night, and nothing wakes him up. When the babies start to get fussy because they feel hungry, Peach and Luigi take care of them, and they keep doing it for the whole rest of the afternoon and night, all while quietly speaking among themselves how cute the baby girls are and how much they look like either Mario or Peach (definitely more like Mario). Peach tears up almost each time she looks down at the babies' little faces, but it's out of her overwhelming happiness, while she whispers to herself: 'stars, they're finally here!'

At some moment, Peach hands Mariella to Luigi's arms so she can drink some water, since the baby seemed adamant about not joining her twin (and mamma) in sleeping.

"I feel very dehydrated-" she says quietly and then serves herself a glass from their coffee table. Peach makes the mistake of looking back to her brother-in-law and the little bundle of light green blankets in his arms, and she has to cover her mouth to sob again, turning to look at her glass. Oh, she was so small! And so real and there already! She hadn't felt this overwhelmingly happy since... maybe ever. And also, Peach is sure the lack of sleep has something to do with her very emotional state.

"I don't blame you, you've-a cried so much, Peach," mutters Luigi distractedly, as if he hadn't been crying a lot too, while very gently rocking one of his newborn nieces as the baby slowly blinked at him.

She had a round nose like all the Marios did (he, his bro and Magma-), and very relaxed little eyebrows, and almost a full head of reddish chestnut hair. And her little mouth was not even pouting, but Luigi couldn't help but think that she (and her sister, since they were identical) reminded him very much of when Magma was a newborn, and just placed in his arms (he also briefly remembered Mario's and Bowser's weeping when they saw her properly, and he huffed a laugh to himself).

-By the end, Peach puts only some (but still many) of the pictures in their family album, several of Mario holding the girls, either smiling or kissing them, others of her holding them, others of both new moms with their babies, and others of Luigi holding his nieces.

🌟 The next morning, Mario wakes up and the first thing he does is stretch as much as he can, realizing that he actually slept pretty well (and he was even laying on his back!). He feels a bit sore and all but less... heavy. He looks down to his body and sees his still round and swollen belly, but much less than it should be if he had two babies inside. He panics for all of a few seconds as he looks around the room, and a huge relief envelops him as he sees the two wooden bassinets that hadn't been there the day before, until the previous afternoon, when one of the nurses brought them in from the nursery to lay the babies.

He looks at the other two sleeping adults in the room, at Peach sitting in one of the armchairs in their room, with her cheek against her fist in what must be an uncomfortable position, with her crown still placed perfectly on top of her head. And to Luigi, sprawled at the foot of the bed, hatless and snoring slightly.

He smiles to himself slightly and slowly gets out of bed, wincing a bit because he still feels kind of tender from the previous day and the toll it had in his body. Mario waddles sluggishly to the bassinets and his soft smile turns bright as he looks at the little babies' faces. They're still as perfect as they were the day before, when he had them in his arms.

He looks at the oldest baby, Nettarina, wrapped in the red-pink blanket, just like he and Peach accorded that the first baby to be born would be, and then to Mariella, who's wrapped in light green. And whose little dot eyes are blinking open. Mario gets closer to her bassinet, and he leans a bit while smiling softly to her.

"Hi, baby," he whispers, holding out a hand to lightly caress her very soft cheek with a finger. Mariella just keeps blinking, with her little closed fists close to her face. She does a big yawn with her eyes tightly closed, and then she keeps looking and blinking in Mario's direction.

She was just born yesterday, and of course her vision was just terrible, but Mario still smiled at her widely as if to show her how happy he was that she was finally there. After a while the baby fell asleep, all while Mario kept looking at her.

He spent some very good minutes on his feet beside his babies, until Peach stirred awake and, upon seeing Mario standing, scrambled to her feet and with a smile asks how he's feeling-

The morning goes all nicely and stuff while both new moms (and uncle!) spend the time caring for the babies and tending to them. When it's the afternoon and Mario's feeling much better, they first let Toadsworth in -who got there early to ask for Mario's and the babies' state- and he's all weepy while looking at his grandbabies!

Maybe a few days later their friends meet their babies, as do their niblings and Daisy and all :''v

[bonzos-number-1-fan]

Putting the CAT# Back in the Bag: The Flaws With Person/Place/Object

Hi, I’m bonzos-number-1-fan You might know me from such theories as; "Theory of Fears; or, Zur Furchtlehre", "What R# Means: The ABCs of Fear" or, "Padlocks, How Do They Even Work?".

I’m back with another essay about this show. Today’s subject is a little different from previous ones. Rather than explaining what I think something in this show is, I’ll be explaining what I think it isn’t. What I’m going to be talking about is the very popular theory that CAT1/2/3 means the supernatural aspect is a Person/Place/Object.

Because I’m talking about other people’s ideas here I do want to start off by saying I understand why this theory is attractive and I don’t think anyone is stupid or anything for believing it. I just personally think there are angles from which it doesn’t work and that the sum of them makes it fairly certain to be untrue. I could be very wrong about that, and my other theories, or I could be very right. I don’t think either scenario matters much. This essay isn’t about being right but about talking about a big thing in the community. I just happen to not believe this one and people have signalled interest in hearing why.

So with all that out of the way I’m going to start by establishing the terminology being used. Then I’ll break down what this theory is positing and follow it up with the ways I think it does and doesn’t work. That’s basically it but with 16 episodes and supplemental material to cover it’s still not going to be terribly short. 

Huge thanks to @brettanomycroft for proof reading/editing this madness.

Spoilers for The Magnus Protocol up to and including episode 16.

What is a CAT#?

A CAT# is the first 4-5 characters of an OIAR's incident report header. While these are not often referenced in the main body of the show, each incident we hear is accompanied by one in the show's description and transcript. As an example this is the case number for the first incident of episode 1.

CAT1RBC5257-12052022-09012024 Reanimation (Partial) -/- Regret [Email]

The first line is the case number. CAT1 is this incident's CAT#. The RBC (R#/Rank) and 5257 (DPHW) have been topics I've discussed in essays I linked at the start. The second line is the header and is formatted “Section (Subsection) -/- Crosslink [Format]”. CAT#s is all we're concerning ourselves with today but I will be using this terminology going forward.

Now we know what they look like, what is it we know about them? Well, not much at all. From the show itself we know there are CAT1s, CAT2s, CAT3s and CAT23s. From the Klaus excel sheet that was found as part of the ARG (and can be found here) we also know there are CAT12s and CAT13s. With that information we can say with some certainty that CAT1, CAT2, and CAT3 are non-mutually exclusive groupings. It's very likely not a linear scale of some description—i.e CAT23 isn't between CAT2 and CAT3—because CAT13 doesn't fit such a scale. Which means that where there are two numbers in a CAT# that incident likely fits both groups rather than being a new group. This also strongly implies that an incident could be CAT123 although we have yet to see that demonstrated.

We also know that CAT is short for "Category". In the Klaus sheet these numbers are located in the "Kategorie" column. "Kategorie" being German for "category". This unfortunately doesn't tell us anything we didn't already know. CAT#s denote some form of grouping.

There is only one other fact we know about CAT#s and that's this:

ALICE Right, so, after each entry there's four numbers. That’s the DPHW. So, “dolls comma watching” is… 1157. Then you cross reference with the table here, that would be a 2-C, and then you type that into the box here, along with date of incident if there is one and today’s date.

Which is not a lot to go on at all but it does raise an important question. How is a CAT# assigned? There are two major assumptions you could make here. The first is the “objective method” and that it’s a factor of either the section, subject, DPHW or a combination thereof. This means that they are pre-assigned in the same way that DPHWs are. This method has an inherent trait in that it means every header manifests as the same sort of thing. While it’s not a problem to say that every Doll (Watching) is the same— that could just be the rules of the setting—it does make CAT# itself somewhat redundant. The terminology of the headers will often describe something inherent about the CAT#. We have a CAT3 case that’s Dice (Bone) -/- Fate but dice are objects so why would you need to restate that?

The second is the “subjective method” in which the assessor chooses the CAT# based on the incident itself. The subjective method has a larger assumption built into it in that they know what CAT#s are. They don’t know what DPHW is and have shown no indication of knowing what CAT# is either. So I’d say it’s less likely that CAT#s are subjective rather than objective. However, for the purposes of this essay I will assume that both are as likely to be true as each other and will refer to them both. Different cases show different flaws when one of these is true over the other, so both will get discussed.

What is Person/Place/Object?

Person/Place/Object is the theory that the three single digit CAT#s stand for Person, Place, and Object respectively. Combinations of these digits represent that an incident falls into each category. A CAT1 incident indicates that the supernatural element of an incident is a person in some respect, while a CAT23 would indicate both a place and an object.

As I have mentioned this isn’t a theory with a single theorist or origin to point to. As such this theory isn’t a monolith and there is variation in how these categories are presented from theory to theory. Sometimes “Person” is literal and other times it includes any sentient thing, “places” aren’t always strictly physical locations, and the narrative framing of what “objects” are may shift. As such I will be taking the broadest interpretation of these categories as their definitions. 

People will include animals and other sentient beings. Places will include metaphysical locations. Objects won’t need to be physical in nature. This is both the fairest I can be to all theories and also the strongest I can make this theory. The broader I can make these definitions, the more different ideas can be represented and the more wiggle room the CAT#s get.

What I’ll do next is run through all the incidents the show has mentioned and explain them as I see it. We’ll start with the ones that fit this theory well because they require little explanation. Then when that’s established we’ll talk about the places I think this theory falls down.

Which Incidents fit well?

CAT1:

CAT1RBC5257 Reanimation (Partial) -/- Regret: There is something like a zombie in this incident. That’s something like a person and so fits well. 

CAT1RB4824 Injury (Needles) -/- Intimidation: Needles is definitely a person, no question there.

CAT1RB2275 Mascot (Kids) -/- Murder: Bonzo walks, “talks”, and probably thinks. He’s a person.

CAT1B4728 Mascot (Kids) -/- Frenzy: Bonzo is still doing that stuff so is still a person.

CAT1RB4426 Transformation (Snake) -/-Horde: There was a person and they turned into snakes. Snakes count as people here too. Given the amount of snakes this is the most CAT1 CAT1. 

CAT1RB-6451 Hunt (Aristocratic) -/- Compulsion: Lady M is the most person on this list.

CAT1RB1565 Tattoo (Influencer) -/- Cardiac: Definitely involves a person doing something supernatural.

CAT2:

CAT2C8175 Infection (Full Body) -/- Arboreal: This incident takes place in a time and space bending garden. Makes perfect sense for CAT2.

CAT2RB2377 Disappearance (Undetermined) -/- Invitation: A spooky theatre is a location for sure. 

CAT3:

CAT3RBC1567 Transformation (Full) -/- Dysmorphic: In this instance the object in question is the tattoo. Which I think is really stretching the definition of “object” but I’m still going to give it to the theory.

CAT3C7494 Collection (Blood) -/- Musical: A magical violin is definitely an object.

CAT3RB3354 Dice (Bone) -/- Fate: Bone dice are inarguably objects. 

CAT3RB4622 Gambling (Application) -/- Murder: It’s another stretch to call an app an object but, again, happy to give it to the theory.

CAT23:

CAT23RAB2155 Transformation (Eyes) -/- Trespass: In this incident’s case the location is the Magnus Institute and the object is the box RedCanary stole. I think there are some problems with this one but there is enough to get through.

Which Incidents Don't?

CAT1:

CAT1RBC5257 Reanimation (Partial) -/- Regret: You’re not misremembering, I did say this fit well. Because on the surface it really does make sense, but I think if you push just a little it makes very little sense. Why? Because any category you want to place this in is easily justified in the incident itself. There is a zombie-esque thing but also a Frankenstein-esque figure for CAT1. CAT 2 would be the location of the graveyard itself. It was chosen by the presumed creator of this zombie-like creature and is depicted similar to the one in Marked, a CAT23 incident. If this theory is correct and the Marked graveyard is supernatural I can’t see a reason to discount that possibility here. CAT3 fits too because the presumed creation method is that they were Frankenstein-ed which does require some sort of surgical apparatus. But whichever choice you make you’ve not really clarified the incident at all. 

This issue is further seen in the methodology of assigning CAT#s.Objectively it has the same problem all objective assignments do. Reanimation implies there is going to be a reanimated person so restating that doesn’t add much. If we look at the subjective method then this is chosen largely at random. There isn’t enough of an indication in this incident to clearly state which CAT this is. So it’s neither helped in the assessment of the incident and doesn’t provide anything for response because all choices are justifiable. 

CAT1RB4426 Transformation (Snake) -/- Horde:  Not misremembering here either. There is a problem with this one in that it’s demonstrated to be an infection. This makes the source of the affliction basically unknowable. The source could qualify it for other CATs but the larger issue here is that what CAT1 means here and what it means elsewhere are not that comparable. Needles, Bonzo, and Lady M are all sentient and independent. The afflicted we see in this case are normal people until they get very rapidly sick, summon a portal to the snake dimension in their throats, and die. Which leaves CAT1 translating to “something in the rough shape of a person” which is a really wide range of interpretations. Which is something I feel has little practical utility in either assessing or responding to these incidents. 

CAT1RB1565 Tattoo (Influencer) -/- Cardiac: Still not misremembering. While you can say that Ink5oul or Madame E are the person in this instance there is a major conflict here with CAT3RBC1567 Transformation (Full) -/- Dysmorphic. If Daria’s transformation was CAT3 because tattoos are objects then there is no reasonable justification that this isn’t at least CAT13. It’s the same person, doing the same thing, to a very similar result but in a different CAT. The headers are entirely different, and so this/that may be misfiled, but it highlights a problem with Daria’s incident. If the incident with the Tattoo header isn’t an object then tattoos are probably not objects under this scheme. 

If this is objective then this is always a person, or on people, which makes a great deal of sense. However if that’s the case then the objective method for Daria’s case sort of falls apart because there wasn’t really a secondary object there. Additionally, because all incidents with that case’s header being objects is a huge stretch. So if this incident, or that incident, is misfiled it doesn’t really matter. In either case (or even if both of them are misfiled), it largely disproves that tattoos are objects, creating a larger issue with that theory as it affects more than just this case. Subjectively as far as we’re aware Sam filed all three of the Ink5oul incidents. So he chose an object in Daria’s case but then opted against it here despite there being no real reason to that we can see. You could say that now Ink5oul has been in it more, he thinks Ink5oul has some sort of supernatural power themselves which makes them a CAT1; that would still make this CAT13 as episode 11 was CAT23.

CAT2:

CAT2RC1157 Dolls (Watching): This is a big one in my opinion. It’s not only the first incident we’re told about, but it's both Sam’s and our first exposure to an explanation of the OIAR’s filing system. It’s also one I see ignored in most of the posts that posit the Person/Place/Object theory. That is understandable as we don’t hear the incident itself but we do hear enough of it to show that there is a flaw in the theory. 

What we hear about this incident is entirely focused on the doll itself and questions about its nature. It’s a split between Dolls (Watching) and Dolls (Human Skin) with the former being chosen as the latter is only implied. Dolls themselves are objects which would make this CAT3, and if the doll is sentient a CAT1. However, this is placed in CAT2 indicating that it's actually caused by the location in some respect. In order for that to make sense you have to make 3 major assumptions. Assumption 1: despite no indication in the conversation about this incident suggesting anything outside of the doll being strange there was actually a “haunted house”. Assumption 2: despite there being sections far more descriptive of locations—i.e Architecture—Dolls is more suited to this incident. Assumption 3: despite this being Sam’s/the audience’s first exposure to this system it leaves out the real source of the incident when, narratively, this is an explanation of it. Those are some fairly major assumptions to make to justify a theory.

This also has issues with either method of assigning CAT#s. If CAT# is objective then every Dolls (Watching) is actually a location. Unlike with something like Reanimation (Partial) that doesn't make much sense as dolls themselves are objects. In the subjective method, Alice assigned this as a location but their discussion of it centred solely on an object and she didn't explain to Sam why she did it.

CAT2RC3338 Agglomeration (Miscellany) -/- Congregation: This might be my favourite example of issues I have with this theory. To explain it we’ll look at this from both the objective and subjective methods while taking into account outside knowledge of the show from an audience perspective.

Everyone I’ve seen posit this theory attributes CAT2 to Hilltop here.They do this solely because of TMA. There is nothing in this episode that makes Hilltop out to be anything special in any way. But because Hilltop is special in TMA the audience is primed to view this location as special. It may very well be but there is no reason to think that. In fact, I’d argue there's reason to think otherwise based on this episode, but that is a little off topic for this essay. However from an objective perspective it can’t take Hilltop into account because not every header of this sort will take place in Hilltop. They could only manifest at special locations but that seems like a stretch. If it is true, why does this unique combination of words not include a word that describes it as a location? Subjectively it could be a misfile. Celia would be the only person who knows what Hilltop is in TMA— assuming some of the theories on her are correct—but that doesn’t make Hilltop important in and of itself. It also means she ignored large parts of this incident when filing it just to focus on that element. As this case is the one Alice uses to teach Celia the system with, then this also relies on Alice knowing or not correcting Celia. In either scenario this case is full of people of definite supernatural quality, lacks a location of supernatural quality, but has 100s of objects of dubious supernatural quality. Something doesn’t make sense here if this theory is correct. 

CAT2RBC3366 Architecture (Liminal) -/- Hunger: This one is interesting because it shows a flaw not in the theory per se but in the methodology as a whole if the theory is correct. If CAT# is what the theory says it is why is this just CAT2? It being CAT2 at all is redundant when its header describes a location but in this incident we see it’s populated by supernatural creatures. I call them Uncannybals—as should you—and they’re monsters living in the shadow realm. That seems like very important information to include. So it should be CAT12 as there are both people and a place. The OIAR methodology already has the problem that you can’t include multiple headers but CAT#s, if they worked like this, could be used to alleviate that issue. The way it’s implemented here just makes it virtually pointless to include at all.

CAT3:

CAT3RBC1567 Transformation (Full) -/- Dysmorphic: This was largely already covered. So simply put if Transformation (Full) -/- Dysmorphic is an object because of the tattoo, and Tattoo (Corpse) -/- Compulsion is an object because of the tattoo, but Tattoo (Influencer) -/- Cardiac isn’t an object despite being virtually identical to this case then CAT3 doesn't mean object. 

The method problems are the same as above too. Now this case is the one most likely of the three to be misfiled. So you could say that Daria's case is misfiled and would actually be CAT1 if filed correctly. Tattoos aren’t objects, this case is a mistake. Then you could explain that Marked is CAT23 because corpses are objects (so 13 if he was alive). Objectively this header always being CAT3 still poses problems because we know there are Transformations that don’t require objects. Which brings us back to the problem of “why are the headers so bad at describing these things?”. If it’s subjective Sam decided that object instead of person made more sense here. Seemingly based on the fact that there is a tattoo. Later on he changed his mind about this but choosing it in the first place seems like a stretch. If he knew what these things meant in order to choose them, object seems like a very unobvious choice. 

CAT23:

CAT23RC5246 Tattoo (Corpse) -/- Compulsion: This one is fairly clear to me. I’m going to be very generous and suggest that the corpse here is the object based on the above. The reason this one is a problem is that there wasn’t a location here. I’ve seen people say that it must be the graveyard but that’s confirmation bias IMO. It wasn’t a large feature of the episode, didn’t do anything coastal graveyards don’t do, and had no overt supernatural properties to it. I don’t personally think anyone would categorise this as CAT23 based on the incident alone but because CAT23 people will justify it to fit. That’s not inherently a problem because sometimes you have to make assumptions but given all of the above I don’t think that assumption is a reasonable one to make. 

Objectively all compelling corpse tattoos are found in magical graveyards—or morgues, tombs, goth bars, and other corpse hangouts—and I think we can all agree that’s sort of wack. Subjectively Sam decided the graveyard was magic despite there being nothing to suggest that.

Klaus’ CAT#s:

This is a bit of a special section. I briefly mention Klaus in the intro but I didn’t mention that some of the incidents we’ve heard have been found on the Klaus sheet. The canonicity of these aren’t 100% and I would say the show takes precedent so this is supplemental rather than definitive. I think I’ve more than shown that this theory doesn’t hold up. This is more of an academic exercise.

The big thing to know here is that Kluas’ cases lack headers entirely but that some Klaus cases have notes and it’s these notes attached. It’s only one’s with those notes I’m interested in for this because of how they relate to things we’ve heard. One case is CAT3RBC1567 with the note “tinte”. CAT3RBC1567 is Daria’s case and “tinte” is German for “ink”. So this is very likely that case. There are 4 other cases with that note and they’re two CAT1s, a CAT3, and a CAT13. So even if Daria’s case is misfiled not all of those are the correct CAT# for that assumption. There are also two CAT1s and a CAT2 marked “Herr B”, which is “Mr B” in English. These aren’t tied to a Bonzo case we’ve heard yet but one of them does take place in Bland Theme Park, Somerset. That’s not definitively Bonzo but it’s a good hint at it. 

Additionally there are 6 CAT2 cases that have the note “Katzen LOL” or “Cats LOL” which you’d expect to be CAT1s if there are cats involved. In a similar vein there are one CAT1 and five CAT2s marked “Kreigsvolk” which is literally “War People” but more likely “Army” or “Soldiers”. Again, you’d expect more CAT1s if CAT1 is people.

I’m not saying any of the above is the backbone of my reasoning here but these are things that are showing up in the show and they do seem to be pointing the same direction as what I’m saying. Ignoring them entirely I think the theory doesn’t hold up but with them I think it’s very clear.

Conclusion

I don’t have much of a wrap up here. Anyone who’s been reading my posts for a while has known that I’ve never thought this theory worked. It’s not something I ever get too deep into because I’m also obviously happy for people to have ideas I disagree with, as am I happy for them to disagree with my ideas. That’s just healthy theorising. I’d been considering writing this for a while though but was mostly held back by not wanting to come across as some sort of arbiter of what is and isn’t correct, and didn’t want to seem like I was calling anyone out specifically. However a few people now said they wanted to see this and there are enough instances of parallel thought on this theory that it’s impossible for me to really single people out now. So here we are. 

Just to reiterate for people that did/do believe this theory I don’t think anyone was stupid and/or wrong for thinking it. I hope if the above has convinced you that I’m right about it that you’re not dissuaded from making and sharing future theories. I’ve have 3 or 4 terrible CAT# theories and a few R# theories too. My current ideas on DPHW and R# might be awfully wrong in the long run and that’ll be okay.

That’s me anyway, hope this was at the very least an interesting read if it didn’t manage to be a convincing one. Bonzo! Bonzo!! Bonzo!!!